


You're the Only Enemy you Ever Seem to Lose to

by Mostly_Angst_Whoops



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander is totally a Schuyler brother, Angelica is emo, Getting Together, Hamilton is bipolar, High School AU, It's the one where you have your enemy's name on one wrist and your soulmate on the other, James Madison deserves more love, M/M, Multi, POLY POLITICIANS, Peggy is aro, Polyamory, She's converting Alexander to the emo side, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2018-12-16 02:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11818902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mostly_Angst_Whoops/pseuds/Mostly_Angst_Whoops
Summary: Jamilmads Soulmate AU- you have your enemy's name on one hand, and your soulmate's on another. Madison, Hamilton, and Jefferson all get each other.





	1. In Which Madison and Hamilton Have a History

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's starting another multi chapter fic? GET READY FOR SOME JAMILMADS.

James has always loved predictability in life. Something he could stick to. Every time something he wasn’t expecting happened, his unwavering confidence and control would immediately falter. He knows it's a weakness, but his ability to stay in control of a situation and pretend like he anticipates everything usually saves him in the case of something unpredictable. He likes controlling things behind the scenes. Let someone else take the lead, and nudge them in the right direction. It takes self control to stay out of the spotlight sometimes, especially in situations when someone else gets credit for something James was the one to manipulate into place. 

The thing about humans is that they’re so predictable, at least to James. He does let some unpredictability into his life, usually through his best-friend-turned-boyfriend, Thomas.

Thomas walking in with a bright magenta suit on the first day of school certainly wasn't predictable. 

As much as James loves rigidity and a sense of what was going on, he loves the feeling Thomas gave him. It's like standing at the edge of a cliff and watching the wind rush past you. You don't know if you're about to fall or fly, and it fills him with adrenaline. 

That's why James is thrilled when he wakes up with Thomas’ name on his right wrist. He expected it. He supposes that they were always meant to get together, that Thomas was the part of him that made sure to have fun. It's been months and James still hasn't figured Thomas out completely. He's still content though. 

While James likes some forms of unpredictability, there are others he despises. There are others that are just cruel. There are others that fill him with a sense of fear and dread. That's what he feels when he rubs his eyes and looks at his left wrist. The name is there in rushed writing, the last few letters flattening out into a line like the person who was writing it felt like they didn't have the time to finish their own last name. It was nothing like Thomas’ name, slow curls and perfect cursive. This one looks angry and quick, and James supposes that it does show the person’s personality. 

He doesn’t expect the sense of dread that fills him when he first looks at the name. It's stupid, he knows, because he's always expected there to be a name there. It was just the sudden realization that he had an _enemy,_ someone who would work against him their entire life, that seemed to shock him. It only added to the dread when his enemy's name was someone who was incredibly competent. 

But that wasn't the part that had started the dreadful feeling in the first place. 

James sighed as he looked at the name. An _Alexander Hamilton._ They had been friends. 

Alexander Hamilton was another bit of unpredictability James let into his life. It had been sophomore year, and Alexander had come in like a hurricane. He seemed to know everything about politics and everything that he wanted to change about it. While it would probably sound stupid to anyone else, it was what drew James in. Someone else like him, someone who had spent time and effort on his interests. Someone with a desire to change things. Alexander was loud and made people listen. 

James was instantly smitten. 

He walked up to Alexander one day, handing him a flyer for debate team. Alexander accepted it, holding out his hand for James to shake. It was the beginning of a friendship.

One that would evidently end up as a rivalry, according to the writing on James’ wrist. 

He and Alexander had started a politics blog together. James was, and still is, a nerd. He knows everything about the workings of the government. It's what had lead to many days where the two of them had sat outside, Alexander’s head in James’ lap, talking about the government, and what they could do to change it for the better. 

Both of them need to make a difference. It's in their wiring, it's a part of them. 

James had once expected Alexander to be his soulmate. 

They had hung out for hours upon hours, talking, debating, drafting, amending. Their views differed slightly, to the point where they could have friendly debate without wanting to throw a fridge at the other person. 

The thing about Alexander Hamilton is that he's unexpected. There were times that he was non-stop, working like there was no tomorrow, like he was running out of time. James supposed that’s what the messy writing on his wrist was supposed to convey. There were also times where Alexander would do nothing but stare into space and make noises of acknowledgement while James talked. These periods lasted for months, and it wasn't the same Alexander. It worried James, the sudden halt on Alexander’s constant pulse. 

Still, Alexander said he was fine. James didn't push forward. James was there for him anyway. 

It was one day in May, one of the months that Alexander seemed to be feeling like himself, that James learned to like the unexpectedness. Alexander had been lying his lap again, just like he always did. They were in the park on the grass, their usual meeting place. James was combing through his hair absentmindedly as Alexander spoke, something about how the two-party system was the most efficient. James had been arguing for a multiparty system, when the words came out. 

“I love you,” Alexander said, stopping in the middle of his rant, like the words couldn't wait any longer. James grinned, helping Alexander up, before pressing their lips together. 

There was something about the unexpectedness that he began to crave. 

He guessed that they were dating now, but he didn't go on any real dates. It was still him, Alexander, and the park. James didn't mind. That's all that he wanted. He was happy with Alexander. 

James had always been the possessive one. Alexander would be talking and waving his arms around, completely missing the fact that someone was flirting with him. James would wrap his arm around Alexander’s waist, smiling at whoever the other person was. They'd back off eventually, and James would press a kiss to Alexander’s cheek.

Around the summer, Alexander seemed to be falling into one of his down periods again. James had no idea what to do about it, but there was a sudden stop in the constant river of words. Alexander was staring into the distance again. 

James felt his fear of the unexpected show up again. He'd come to expect Alexander to constantly be unpredictable, to be his own explosive self. He'd come to love it. 

For all of that to be gone was disorienting. Still, James adapted to change. It was his thing. It wasn't like Alexander suddenly wasn’t a huge nerd. James could still talk to him about politics, hold up the fort for the both of them. Alexander would always reply, and James could tell he was trying his best to be himself. 

One day, Alexander began to cry in the middle of one of their discussions, just clinging to James and staying there, pressed against him, chest-to-chest. James hugged him, rubbing his back gently, murmuring comforts. Alexander excused himself as soon as he stopped crying, running away and disappearing. 

Alexander was missing the next day. 

And the next. Alexander didn't text him back, either. 

It took a total of three days without any word from Alexander before James finally went to Alexander’s house and rang the doorbell. Alexander replied, hair sticking up, his body wrapped in a blanket. 

They had never been over to each other’s houses. Both of them knew the other’s addresses, in case of an emergency, but James had never actually seen the inside of Alexander’s house. His eyes landed on the blanket wrapped around Alexander. It was the middle of summer, Alexander didn't need a blanket. 

“Are you okay?” James asked softly. 

Alexander shook his head, wiping at his eyes. “I don't think I can do this.”

“Do what, Alexander?”

“Us. I keep messing it up,” Alexander said. 

“You're not messing us up, I promise. It's okay to feel down sometimes. I know you’re not doing it on purpose,” James soothed. “Let me help.”

Alexander shook his head, sinking into the blanket more. “I'm sorry.”

“Alexander-”

“I’m not worth it,” Alexander said, before the door closed. 

James stared at the door for way too long. It was okay. He could adapt to the change. Alexander would eventually feel better. Alexander would eventually come back. James was going to be waiting for him. James had walked home and wrote a few more posts for their blog. He saved them as drafts so that Alexander could review them. 

He tried calling Alexander once a week, trying to develop a schedule out of it. He grew to expect Alexander’s voicemail message. 

Alexander never reviewed those drafts. By the time school had started again, Thomas had come. 

James thinks that Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton are more similar than either of them would admit. When Thomas came, he brought an entirely new wave of unpredictability that James craved, now that Alexander was gone. He stole the spotlight immediately, in a different way than Alexander does. Alexander steals the spotlight when he's mad or angry or irked in some way. The spotlight follows him around, and it almost feels like Alexander is wrestling for control over it, even when he's the only one talking, like the spotlight will somehow fade out.

Thomas owns the spotlight. 

James can tell, on the first day itself, when Thomas struts into class with a magenta suit on. Everyone’s eyes are instantly drawn to him. He flashes a smile to the class and James knows that at least half the school population is already swooning. 

What James felt was the same spark he had with Alexander, the first time Alexander began to rant about how it was important to have an federal department dedicated to education as soon as the bill suggesting termination of the department was proposed. It was something new. Someone new. Someone else who didn't blend in. 

Still, it had only been a spark. Nothing like the constant flame of Alexander, giving James more and more and more. James let Thomas go. 

It wasn't until debate started that James had actually seen Alexander again. He looked worse than ever, his eyes sunken in. He had been late- Alexander had never been late, never to debate. He dropped down into a chair on the other side of the room. 

The teacher in charge started the introduction to the club, and was beginning to detail the subject of debate that day, when someone else came, stopping her in the middle of her monologue. 

He was dressed in an expensive-looking suit, flashing a smile at the people in the class. James saw Alexander roll his eyes. 

Thomas Jefferson had arrived. 

To be fair, James wasn't that surprised anymore. Thomas seemed to purposely get to everywhere late. It didn't have the same effect on James anymore. The others in the different classes, who hadn't seen Thomas yet, were a different story. An excuse for his tardiness dripped out of Thomas’ mouth, way too easily. _Pathological liar,_ James had decided. He was wrong. 

Everyone has their own sets of problems, and Thomas is no exception. The only way he was able to confidently lie was because he'd practiced the lie, each syllable, each stress of the words, before coming into the room. James hadn't figured that out until a lot later. 

Unexpected. 

Thomas floated onto the chair next to James, giving James a flirtatious smile. James smiled back, hoping it was enough for Thomas to think that it had actually worked. It's better to for someone to think that their plan is working. It gets them in your pocket faster. James didn't know what Thomas’ plan was. He didn't know if Thomas even had a plan. 

James later learned that yes, Thomas had a plan, and it had to do with the name on his left wrist. It was James Madison, written in James’ careful handwriting. When they first get the names, on everyone’s sixteenth birthday, nobody knows which wrist belongs to their soulmate and which wrist belongs to their enemy. Thomas’ birthday had just passed, in the April. 

While he didn't know what Thomas’ plan had been, James did know was that Alexander was watching him and Thomas intently, his eyes narrowed. He figured it out later: Thomas had already struck out with Alexander, and he was moving to the name on the other wrist. James’ wrists had been blank. So were Alexander’s. James would have to wait until March, and Alexander would get his in the January. Both of them had skipped a grade, so almost everyone here would get the names before them. Names that usually didn't mean much until college. Thomas was an anomaly, both of his wrists displaying names of people in his high school.

James had wished for Alexander’s name.

Debate that day had been a disaster. James had purposely gone up against Alexander, wanting to get some part of their friendship back. It didn't have the intended effect. Thomas had gone before James, which meant that Alexander was attacking what Thomas had said. James had to defend it. 

“Don't tell me you’re on the same side as that prick. I thought you had some common sense, James,” Alexander said, before continuing with his rant. 

James had looked back at Thomas, trying to figure out exactly what Thomas had done to deserve the barrage of insults, which were now being redirected to James. 

James barely defended himself. He chased after Alexander after debate, trying to talk to him. Alexander, whose words never stopped, wouldn't spare a word to James. Alexander was gone, and James didn't know why. 

He still wonders about it, and seeing the name on his wrist just makes the pain worse.

Thomas had followed James outside, beginning to complement his debating skill. James didn't pay attention to it at first, it had been a day where he had barely tried, too swept up in the hurricane that was Alexander. Thomas invites him out, and James looks up. He craves the love. He needs it. 

He nods, and the deal is set. Thomas takes him out for coffee, and it goes alright. James learns more about Thomas, who’s the son of a senator, who’s going to study law just like Alexander, who enjoys writing just like Alexander, who surprises James sometimes, not as much as Alexander, but it's close enough. 

James takes close enough. 

He eventually learns to separate Thomas from Alexander, because even if they’re similar, they’re also different in many ways. Thomas shows James his wrist on the third date, and James’ heart stops as he sees Alexander’s name on Thomas’ other wrist. 

Thomas seems to notice, but neither of them say anything about it, and on the next date, James stops comparing Thomas to Alexander. He deserves to be his own person. A few dates later, they’re sitting snuggled on the couch at Thomas’ place, kissing each other on and on and on. James had never gotten this far with Alexander. It had always just been them in the park. James scolds himself for thinking about Alexander, going back to kissing Thomas like it’s his life support. 

It's January, and they’re back in school after winter break. James sees Alexander, and he's wearing large cuffs to hide the names on his wrists. He knows one of those names is Thomas. He wonders what the other name is, and why Alexander is going out of his way to hide it. James waves, hoping some form of Alexander is back. It's been six months. Alexander looks back at him, completely broken. James is about to walk over when Thomas leads him away, talking about something or the other. 

Alexander’s not at the next debate club meeting. 

James’ mind tells him to move on. Alexander already has friends. There's no reason that he has to do anything for Alexander. Thomas catches him looking around the classroom. 

“The bastard’s not here today,” he says.

James almost tells Thomas off for calling Alexander a bastard, but he doesn't say anything. Thomas is easier to control than Alexander, easier to work behind the scenes with. Alexander always knew when James was trying to get something, and Alexander always helped him. Thomas was oblivious to James’ efforts most of the time, but Thomas offered him other things. He and Thomas worked together well. They were able to communicate by just looking at each other, and Thomas always stuck with James. They protected each other. James felt safe around Thomas.

Alexander wasn’t at the next meeting either.

Or the next. 

It’s February, Valentine’s Day, and James is walking through the cafeteria again. He purposely walks towards Alexander’s table, just to check in on him. They don’t have any classes in common this year, and he was looking forward to debate just to see Alexander’s face, but Alexander wasn’t even there anymore. It seemed to be bothering Thomas as well, even if Thomas didn’t admit it. 

All James did was walk by Alexander’s table. Alexander and his friends were laughing about something. James felt a pang of something in his stomach, and quickly slipped back into his usual seat next to Thomas. 

Thomas doesn’t say anything. Neither does James.

When the names come, James is surprised. Thomas on one hand, Alexander on the other. He’s with Thomas, which means that Alexander is his enemy and he needs to stop pining after him. It’s all he can think about his entire birthday. He shows Thomas the names, and Thomas nods, smiling. To Thomas, it confirms that they’re soulmates. 

Still, there's something about seeing Alexander’s name on his other hand that doesn't sit right with James. Both Thomas and James can't have Alexander as an enemy, right? 

James begins to wonder if Alexander is stuck with two enemies. If both his and Thomas’ name are printed on one of his wrists. He wants, more than anything, to see which names Alexander had. 

James looks over at Alexander’s name on Thomas’ wrist, trying to figure out if it's a different Alexander Hamilton. But no, it's the same signature, dissolving into a line just like James’. He knows that signature by heart. It makes his heart ache. James is content with Thomas, but he still wants Alexander back. The friend who had always been there for him. 

He frowns as he wonders what exactly Alexander will do that warrants him being their enemy. 

Thomas seems to notice James’ face, and this time he actually says something about it. Usually, if one of them didn’t speak up about a problem, they’d let it be, give the other person their privacy. That didn’t seem to be working anymore.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Hamilton?” Thomas asks, opening up his Thermos of macaroni and cheese. A bit of steam escapes, and James watches it float upwards, before looking back at Thomas. 

“I never said anything about Hamilton,” James mumbles, beginning to eat his sandwich.

“Oh, I know. Your body says enough,” Thomas says. “Longing eyes, chest turned towards him as much as possible.”

“If you’re suggesting I have a crush on Hamilton-”

“Jem, I can’t suggest you have a crush on him until I know exactly what’s going on. You look like you’re in distress,” Thomas says. “Spill.”

James hesitates. This is Thomas, his boyfriend. Thomas is the jealous type, and there’s so many ways this can go wrong. 

“It’s nothing,” James said, smiling at Thomas and beginning an in-depth conversation on something as unrelated to Alexander as possible. He sees Thomas’ eyes wander over to Alexander, and he can’t help but wonder what Thomas is thinking.


	2. In Which Thomas and James Have an Amazing Relationship

_“It's nothing.”_

Thomas firmly disagrees about it being _nothing,_ but he doesn't pry. He never pries with James. He’s careful around James most of the time, like their relationship is always on the verge of breaking. He knows it's not healthy, but he doesn't do anything about it. 

He watches James trying to keep his gaze from moving over to Hamilton. Honestly, Thomas wouldn't even blame James if he liked Hamilton more than he liked his boyfriend. He looks back down at his wrists again, just to make sure it’s still the same as always.

James Madison. Alexander Hamilton.

No change there. 

Thomas sighs. He doesn't blame James for liking Hamilton. There's a lot to like about him. The way he moves his hands around while talking, drawing all the attention to him. The way that his voice forms the eloquent words that pour out of his mouth, scathing but beautiful. Thomas used to chase that voice, wanting more of Hamilton, goading him on. 

Hamilton used to give it to him, immediately delving into large rants that were way too long but also way too perfect. It took Thomas' breath away from him, and goddammit, he wanted more. If Hamilton was his enemy, then Thomas was going to be the one losing every battle. 

“More of your shitty opinions, Jefferson?”

“Someone's gotta save the world from you.”

He’s always managed to put together a defense for whatever rant Hamilton went into. One good thing about Hamilton’s rants is that they bring up a wide set of points and Thomas gets a pick of which points to bring down. 

Of course, that’s all over now. He doesn't talk to Hamilton. Hamilton doesn't talk to him. One simple blowup and their entire relationship was gone. 

“Hamilton, want to tell us how a monarchy is better than democracy?” Thomas had asked. 

“Stronger government doesn't mean a monarchy,” Hamilton answered. One sentence, a clipped tone. Hamilton was curled into himself, instead of taking up his usual space. Thomas shouldn't have continued. 

“Sure, letting the gov-”

“I'm not in the mood, Jefferson,” Hamilton had said. 

Thomas should've let it go. He knew that even then. He didn't let go though. “It's only going to lead to-”

“Jefferson, shut the fuck up,” Hamilton snapped. 

“What, too-”

“I hate you and everything about you. Shut up and realize how much everyone around you fucking hates everything about you.” 

There was silence. 

“Stay… stay away from me,” Hamilton had whispered, before running down the hallway and leaving Thomas alone. 

Until then, they had some sort of a weird friendship. It was friendly debate and inside jokes and little interaction other than the teasing arguments. That was all lost. Hamilton had asked Thomas to stay away, and that's what Thomas had done. What he still did. 

He should've noticed that Hamilton despises him earlier. Maybe Thomas had thought of it as a friendship, but Hamilton definitely didn't. It hurt Thomas, and the feelings of not being good enough still haunt him. They've always been there, but now they were worse than usual. 

Still, sometimes he thinks about the guilty look on Hamilton’s face as soon as the words were uttered, and he wonders how it would of gone if he'd never pushed in the first place. Hamilton was having a bad day. If Thomas had never pushed, maybe it wouldn't have ended up like this. 

Now their relationship is just a barrage of insults, the playful arguments gone. Thomas was the one who started it. 

“Hey, bastard, how's your mom doing?”

Hamilton winced. Thomas regrets the words, even now. He had been trying to get Hamilton to feel some of the pain that he had felt, and he knew that it was wrong, but he had done it anyway. 

“Don't want you near me, asshole.”

He had thought Hamilton was his soulmate. But no, Hamilton is his enemy, and it's a fact he wants to change with all of his heart. He misses Hamilton, though he'd never admit it. 

James gently takes Thomas’ hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I love you.”

Thomas looks back at James, a soft smile on his lips. Maybe he misses Hamilton, but he loves James. He still has James. 

“I love you too,” Thomas replies, smiling at James. He leans in softly and presses a kiss to James’ cheek, and James smiles at him, gently shifting closer. 

The first time James had whispered those words was the middle of the night. Thomas had been looking at his wrists again, thinking about how James and Hamilton seem almost perfect for each other. James is crazy smart, a grade ahead and still staying on top of everything. Hamilton is the same. They clearly have a history, one that James seems to dwell on often. Their writing makes Thomas begin to rethink his own opinions, and their debating is absolutely breathtaking. Thomas feels like he could never compare. 

James had shown him the wrists earlier that day. It was James’ birthday, and they had appeared in the early morning. 

Thomas Jefferson. 

Expected. 

Alexander Hamilton. 

Not expected at all. 

It was that night that Thomas had lied there thinking about how James and Hamilton were probably soulmates, and he was the enemy because he was keeping James away from Alexander. He remembers pulling out his phone with shaking hands, calling James. It was way too late. 

“Thomas, are you okay?” James had asked softly.

Thomas had tears streaming down his face. “You can leave me if you want. I'd understand.”

“Thomas, I love you. I'm not leaving,” James murmured back. “I'm coming over, alright? I'll be there in a few minutes. Wait by the door, alright? Focus on breathing.”

Thomas nodded, trying to keep his breathing steady. True to his word, James was there in a few minutes to hold Thomas and assure him that he was amazing. 

“I love you,” James had said.

Thomas had let out a sob into James’ shirt, holding James tighter. James loves him. That's all he needs. 

“Want to hang out at the library today?” James asks. “Valentine’s day.”

Thomas nods, giving James a smile. He gives James a quick peck on the lips. “See you after class, darling.”

“Of course, baby,” James replies, smiling.

They walk out hand in hand, parting at the corridor. Thomas waves to James as he walks off to his class, and Thomas starts on his way to his. 

He passes the debate competition sign-ups on the way, and Hamilton is there, standing in front of the sheet, pen in hand. He almost doesn't say anything. He tries to stop himself from saying something. 

“You haven't been at debate the past few weeks,” Thomas opens. He has to whisper the words beforehand to make sure that they’re coming out right, but he's here and he's talking to Hamilton again. 

Hamilton turns, staring at Thomas for a few seconds, looking him up and down. The usual emotion isn't there in Hamilton’s eyes, the one that's determination and anger and resentment and some form of regret all in one. Instead, Hamilton just looks tired. 

“I… I wouldn't have noticed, but Jemmy cares about you,” Thomas says. “Still.”

Hamilton sighs. “Tell him I meant it when I said that I was sorry.”

Hamilton is curled into himself, protecting himself from something. Thomas sighs, walking forward and adding his own name to the sign-ups, under Hamilton's. 

“Going to bring your shitty opinions with you?” Hamilton asks. 

The tone is hesitant, but the playful words remind Thomas of what he misses.

“Someone needs to save the world from you,” Thomas replies. The standard answer. It's the same thing he and Hamilton have said to each other so many times. 

A hint of a smile plays on Hamilton’s lips. 

“I'm sorry,” Thomas says. 

“Me too. Bad day. I overreacted,” Hamilton replies. “Sorry about the insults too.”

“Guess I started that,” Thomas says. “I apologize.”

Thomas watches him a little longer, and Hamilton’s eyes flicker down to his wrists, still covered with the bracelets. 

“Who's on there?” Thomas asks. “Is it me or Mads?”

It has to be one of them. Both of them have Hamilton, but there's no way that Hamilton has them both as enemies. Hamilton looks back up just as the bell rings. 

“I've got to go,” he says, dashing off down the hallway. 

Thomas watches him leave, letting out a sigh. At least it wasn't a complete failure. Thomas looks back at the sign-ups. Hamilton’s name is right under his.

There's at least one way he can spend more time with Hamilton. He hates the smile forming on his face. 

Class seems to drag on forever and he runs outside, excited for no particular reason. 

_Tell him I meant it when I said that I was sorry._

The words don't seem to make any sense, but maybe James will explain them. Thomas doubts it- James is reserved, in almost direct opposition to Hamilton. Still, he might get something. 

He finally sees James, and he begins walking them to his car. James smiles up at Thomas, and Thomas leans in for a soft kiss. 

“Bought you some chocolates. My parents aren't home, so we can hang there and be romantic,” Thomas says, smiling. “Happy Valentine’s!”

“I bought you the entire Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series, nerd,” James says, kissing Thomas’ jaw.

Thomas grins. “I got you a psychology book too since you're a weirdo.”

“I got you chocolates as well, since I know you're not just a nerd, you're also sappy,” James replies, grinning. 

“I fucking love you,” Thomas says. 

“I love you too, baby,” James replies. 

“Let's make out in the car,” Thomas says. 

James chuckles, slipping into the passenger seat. Thomas gets into the driver’s seat. He drives them to his house, mostly because it’s closer to the school and he just wants to kiss his boyfriend, and they’re making out on his driveway, the car parked. James’ seatbelt is unlocked, and he's practically draped across the middle of the car, kissing Thomas passionately. 

Thomas pulls James in more until James is practically straddling Thomas, pressing Thomas back into the seat. Thomas is giggling and gasping at everything, and James smiles into the kisses happily. 

“Chocolate?” James asks, and Thomas nods. James reaches to the back for his backpack, pulling out a box. It's red and heart-shaped and there's a ribbon on it that makes it look beautiful. The next few minutes are just James and Thomas messily feeding each other chocolate and licking it off their fingers. 

“Why don't you save the rest for later, baby?” James suggests. 

Thomas groans but slips on the lid of the chocolate box. He smiles, the car smelling nice. James reaches to the back and hands Thomas the box set of the Hitchhiker’s Guide books, and Thomas hands him the two psychology books he picked up: _You are Not so Smart_ and _Brain Rules._ James grins, and it's the beautiful grin that shows up in his eyes as well, and he pulls Thomas in for another long, soft kiss. 

Thomas smiles and kisses back. As soon as they break apart, his eyes drift towards the time. His parents are going to be home soon. 

“Library?” he asks. 

“Fuck the library babe, let’s go to my house. I wanna be gay,” James says. 

Thomas chuckles, pulling out of the driveway and starting the route to James’ house. His eyes flicker back down to his wrist, and he weighs telling James what Hamilton said. 

“I spoke to Hamilton today,” Thomas said. 

He watches James bite his lip, gaze moving to Thomas. “What did he say?”

“Asked me to tell you that he's sorry,” Thomas says. “Apologized to me too.”

“Oh,” James replies, voice distant. He's staring off into the trees that line the road, thinking about something. 

That's all Thomas got. Thomas considers asking for more information, since James and Hamilton’s history has been pounding in his head ever since James got the names on his wrists. 

He lets it go. It's Valentine’s Day, after all. He's not going to focus on Hamilton. Today’s about James and himself. He puts his hand on top of James. “I love you, Jam.”

“Love you too,” James says, leaning over and kissing Thomas’ cheek. 

“You signing up for the debate competition?” Thomas asks, pulling into James’ driveway. "Yup," James says. He begins to get out of the car, pulling out his backpack, and they walk to the door. 

James’ parents are pretty amazing, in Thomas’ opinion. They had let James drive over to Thomas’ at two in the morning. They knew that the relationship is something that's being kept secret from Thomas’ parents, and they’re completely fine with it. 

Thomas’ parents had seen the two boys on his wrists and instantly distanced him. Thomas could hear them talking about him being a problem, something wrong, and Thomas never felt the same again. His sister, Jane, had told him exactly what they were talking about, how it was a mistake. She had held him close, kissing his forehead. 

“Don't worry,” she had said. “You're going to be just as loved as everyone else.”

She’s in college now. She talks to Thomas as much as possible, and he's always allowed to drive over if he needs anything. Jane is one of the things that Thomas loves about his life. 

James’ parents had accepted him almost instantly, and Thomas was immensely grateful. They had offered their home if anything ever happened with Thomas’ parents.

James unlocks the door for Thomas, holding it open for him. Thomas thanks him and walks in, getting a lemonade from the fridge, and spreading out on the floor in the living room. 

It's still a weekday, which means that they have homework, but doing it with James felt nice. James gets a bottle of ginger ale, laying out his own homework next to Thomas’. He leans in and kisses Thomas for a quick second. They both start their homework. 

Thomas pulls out his computer, beginning to work on one of his essays. 

“Want to stay the night?” James asks. 

Thomas looks up, grinning. “Yes.”

“Sleepover on a weeknight,” James says, chuckling. “Another A-plus idea.”

Thomas smiles, kissing James’ forehead. He pulls out his phone, the device weighing in his hand a little as he texts his mom that he's going to be staying with James tonight. There's no response for a few minutes, but the read notification is up. 

Close enough to permission. 

He sighs, resting his head on James’ lap. James is reading a book, Fahrenheit 451. James looks down at Thomas. “Everything alright?”

Thomas nods. “Parents.”

James nods, gently burying a hand into Thomas’ hair and scratching his scalp soothingly. Thomas lets out a soft purr, curling closer. James starts reading the book out loud, and Thomas smiles, listening to James’ voice surround him. It's nice. He's calm. He fidgets with the hem of James’ shirt, letting out a content purr. 

James stops every now and then, writing down a few notes, before turning back to the book. It's a nice afternoon. James finishes up his homework, and he hugs Thomas as Thomas finishes up his own, pressing reassuring kisses to Thomas' back and shoulders every now and then.

James’ parents come in around the middle, wishing the boys a happy Valentine’s Day. James shows them the books Thomas gave him. His parents both give Thomas a quick kiss on the forehead, smiling and talking about how beautiful Thomas and James are together, and how amazing they both are. It makes Thomas blush, and it makes him feel better. James says that Thomas is spending the night, and his parents give him the thumbs up, offering their help for anything he might need. Thomas nods, smiling and promising to tell them if he needs anything. 

Thomas finally finishes the homework he needs to, and James brings him to the couch, curling up with him. They put on the Matrix, not really paying attention to the familiar movie. James makes some popcorn for the both of them, letting Thomas have most of it. Thomas quotes the movie often, and James chuckles and finishes the quotes. It's nice and calming and Thomas loves every bit of it. 

Thomas and James help James’ dad with the dinner, making Indian food. 

It's a family, and Thomas loves it. 

They eat together, joking around the dinner table, and James and Thomas wash the dishes together before going upstairs. There's more kissing and an episode of Doctor Who before they’re lying in bed together. They’re both early-to-bed, early-to-rise people. Their arms are around each other, and there’s smiles on both of their faces. 

“Love you, Maddie,” Thomas says. 

“Love you and your stupid nicknames, baby,” James says, cuddling closer. He gently kisses Thomas’ jaw, and Thomas tucks James further into his chest. There's a moment of hesitation, before James continues. “You probably want to know about Alexander and I.”

“I do, but I'm not going to force you to tell me,” Thomas says.

“Well, he and I used to date,” James says, his voice soft. “He loved me. We met every day in the park.”

Thomas nods slowly. “What happened?”

“I don't know. He started crying one day, and then he just suddenly stopped meeting me,” James whispers. “I went to his place, and he just said he wasn't worth it. I wanted to give him his time, but he never really spoke to me again.”

Thomas gently snuggles James more. “You should talk to him,” he whispers back. 

“I love _you_ ,” James says, and Thomas knows that James is trying to reassure him. Thomas gently kisses the top of James’ head.

“I know. But you also still have feelings for Hamilton,” Thomas whispers. 

He's not sure if it's the same feelings that were there when James and Hamilton used to date, but he knows that there's a fair amount of guilt mixed into the feelings that James has. Hamilton definitely feels guilty too, that much is obvious. 

There's also a part of Thomas that tells him that if he lets James and Hamilton resolve things, then he’ll be left behind because James and Hamilton are so much more made for each other than James and him. That's what the reassurance was for. 

“But I love _you,_ ” James whispers, looking up and gently kissing Thomas. Thomas smiles into it, relaxing a little bit. 

Even if Thomas doesn't have anything else, he has James and that's enough. It's perfect and they fall asleep in each other’s arms, light smiles on their faces. 

Thomas doesn't even want to think about what's going to happen when he gets home. Well, not home. This is his home, with James, with James' family, in James’ arms. When Thomas gets back to his own parents, he'll have to face reality again, but this is more than enough for now. 

He can't lose James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if updates on this take a long time, I'm working on finishing up my other fic first, but I promise that I'll start updating faster as soon as the other fic is done!!
> 
> Have a wonderful day, lovelies. 
> 
> Up next: Alexander is one Angsty Boy™


	3. In Which Alexander is an Honorary Schuyler

Alexander is what people would call a pessimist. It just seems that life is pitted against him, and he has the worst possible hand. His foster family practically hates him because of the huge burden that he is, and that means that he gets left alone a lot, which isn't that bad. He pulls the blanket tighter around him, his eyes not focusing on the TV. It's the middle of the summer, he shouldn't need a blanket, but he's sick or something and he can't take medication until someone in his family comes home and opens the medicine cabinet for him, probably after a lot of grumbling about how much money he's costing them or how he doesn't really need the medicine. His hair is matted, his eyes puffy, and he's hugging himself tightly. The TV is playing, but Alexander is paying no attention to it at all. 

It had been a bad day. In fact, it has been a bad week. He feels hopeless, like there's no point to doing anything, and he just wants to end everything. His family would probably thank him for it, if he was actually successful this time. Alexander had gotten yelled at about the medical costs last time, and there was barely a word about whether he was doing alright while he was literally choking on his own vomit. 

It wasn't that he always felt like this. There were periods, often for months at a time, where he felt like he was soaring, where he felt like he could do anything. He'd be up until three in the morning, just writing and planning for the future and thinking about everything he could achieve. Working during those times was easy, accomplishing something felt amazing, and there was almost no way that anyone could keep up with him. 

Now, of course, is not one of those times. 

He hears the doorbell ringing, and he hopes his appearance scares away whoever it is. He really doesn't think he can handle talking to people, especially since he's already on the verge of tears from doing nothing more other than staring into the distance. 

Alexander sighs and opens the door, his eyes falling on James. He almost wants to collapse into James’ arms, let his boyfriend hold him while he just bawls his eyes out. He doesn't do that. He doesn't want to burden James. He doesn't want James to hate him the same way his foster family does. 

There's a moment of silence, and it looks like James is analyzing his appearance. James seems to lean forward a little, already protective as he asks, “are you okay?”

_No,_ Alexander wants to say. He's not okay. He's so far from okay and it feels like he's about to shatter into a million pieces because of the pressure building up in him. He can feel tears pushing at his eyes, the pressure finding a way to leak out. He brings his hand up and wipes the tears away, shaking his head. “I don't think I can do this.”

James steps forward, just a little bit, and Alexander isn't even sure that it's conscious. “Do what, Alexander?”

“Us, I keep messing it up,” Alexander replies. _Just like you mess everything up._

“You're not messing us up, I promise. It's okay to feel down sometimes. I know you’re not doing it on purpose,” James whispers, trying as much as he can to make his voice calming. “Let me help.”

Alexander doesn't just feel down, it feels like he's never going to be up again. He can't let James get attached, not when he might completely fall soon. _Burden._ He pulls the blanket tighter around him. He shakes his head, so small that he's not even sure James notices. When Alexander speaks, his voice is impossibly quiet. It's his fault that they’re in this situation in the first place. “I'm sorry.”

It's so impossible to think about the time that he was soaring, when he felt like he could do anything, and it just feels like he’ll never be the same. 

James looks uneasy. “Alexander-”

“I'm not worth it,” Alexander whispers, before he shuts the door, crumpling to the ground. He cries into the blanket, the words pounding inside his head. _Not worth it._

He begins to get calls, once every week, and he ignores them. Maybe he'll talk to James when school starts, but it's beyond his abilities right now. He stays locked in his room most of the day.

There's a certain amount of anticipation the morning of the first day. New classes, being forced to talk to people- which is a good thing because Alexander knows he wouldn't do it if he wasn't forced, and having a steady flow of work. He's better than he was a few weeks ago. 

He finally jumps off the bus, smiling at the familiar campus. He begins to walk in, when another kid bumps into him, sending him sprawling because of his small size. Alexander groans. 

“I'm so sorry, darling!” the other kid says, holding out a hand for Alexander. His voice is thick with a southern accent. 

Alexander looks up, staring into beautiful brown eyes. He decides that no, he doesn't mind being bumped into by this kid. Alexander takes his hand, and the other kid pulls him up. Alexander studies the purple suit, his mind forming quite a few questions. 

“I'm Thomas Jefferson,” the other kid says, shaking Alexander’s hand. “And that’s really not the first impression I intended to have.”

“Alexander Hamilton. Believe me, I do not mind at all,” Alexander replies, giving Thomas a smile. 

Thomas’ eyes flicked down to Alexander’s wrists for a split second. “Alexander… Hamilton?” 

Alexander nods, and Thomas grins. “I have a feeling we’re going to be good friends, Alexander.”

Alexander smiles. 

It takes two minutes for Alexander to bring up politics. 

It also takes two minutes for the first argument to start. 

As Alexander storms away, he finds himself grinning. He hasn't felt as alive in a while. Thomas makes him feel awake and alert, and he knows that Thomas is actually listening to him while they argue, and it's the best feeling in the world. 

His smile lasts until halfway through first period, at which point he starts drooping against his desk, feeling tired and down again. Class ends, and he immediately runs to find Thomas. They get into another argument, the grin lasting longer this time. He can see Thomas smiling too as he runs for his next class. 

Alexander sees James right after third period. He's walking in the hallway, expertly avoiding contact with every person in the hallway. Alexander should talk to him. He knows he should. 

He doesn't. 

It's going to be too hard. He knows that James is going to hate him. He knows that it's his fault that he pushed James away in the first place, and Alexander doesn't say a word as James passes him. 

Part of Alexander’s mind is telling him to run after James, pick him up and press a kiss to James’ lips, start up one of their old conversations, but he can't. He continues walking down the hallway, eyes trained on the floor, blending into the crowd for once. 

Thomas runs up to him right as the buses are boarding. Alexander gets Thomas’ phone number. 

“What's up with the suit?” Alexander asks. “I'm trying to figure out if shitty fashion sense is influenced by shitty political views.”

“Well, libertarianism is all about making your own life decisions without government meddling,” Thomas says. “Which means-”

“Yikes. I'm in favor of a dress code now,” Alexander says.

“As if your wardrobe is much better,” Thomas says, clicking his tongue. 

Alexander chuckles. “I'll see you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Thomas agrees. 

They text almost throughout the night, and Alexander loves every second. They talk about aspirations for the future, who has better aspirations, and it ends with a huge politeness war that started because of a comment about being too crass to earn a job at the White House. 

**Alexander 1:13: is “crass” language really an issue**

**Alexander 1:13: i mean**

**Alexander 1:13: republicans.**

**Thomas 1:14: Yikes™**

**Thomas 1:14: The pain of being too conservative for Democrats but too gay for Republicans.**

**Alexander 1:14: i would say “same” but that would be saying that im too conservative to be a democrat**

**Thomas 1:15: Fucking communist.**

Alexander falls asleep in the middle of his rebuttal, a smile on his face. He feels content for once, and he wants the feeling to last. He reassures Thomas that he accidentally fell asleep and yes, I've been enjoying this. 

They really were never enemies until one day, a few weeks into the year, where Alexander just feels horrible. He doesn't want to talk to people, he doesn't want to go to school, and he's not in the mood to argue. That's when it spills out of him, and he doesn't stop it.

“I hate you and everything about you. Shut up and realize how much everyone around you fucking hates everything about you.”

He regrets it the moment he says it. None of it is true, not a single word. Alexander knows he has the tendency to push people away when he's like this, but Thomas was pushing back just as hard, and it led to this. They look at each other for a second, before Alexander snaps out of it. 

“Stay away from me,” he whispers. He knows that it's the wrong decision, that he should've explained, that he should've told Thomas that it was a mistake, but his mind was already telling him how he was a burden to Thomas. 

Thomas shouldn't have to deal with him. 

Alexander runs off before Thomas can get another word in. He doesn't text Thomas that night, and neither does Thomas. He looks at the screen for so long, just thinking about sending an apology, but he's so worried about messing it up again that he just puts his phone down and cries. 

Tomorrow. He’ll fix it tomorrow. 

Tomorrow doesn't go as planned. 

“Hey, bastard, how's your mom doing?”

Alexander knows that he deserves it. Still, it felt like a betrayal that Jefferson would go after his family. Then again, Alexander had gone after Thomas' insecurity. 

All Alexander can manage was a “don't want you near me, asshole.”

It's over, and he can feel himself deflating. 

Jefferson tries to start up another playful debate the next day, but Alexander is still bitter and sad and all he responds with are insults against Jefferson instead of the position, and Jefferson responds with more insults of the same kind. The debate isn't playful or fun or invigorating, it's tiring and awful and it makes Alexander want to cry again. 

Alexander tries the next day, but it seems like Jefferson is set on berating him and it's the end of whatever they had. Neither of them is happy, neither of them does anything about it. 

“Fucking idiot.”

“Bastard.”

“Ugly fuckface.”

“Whore’s son.”

Alexander doesn't even think his own insults are very good, but Thomas’ _hurt._

He sits alone at lunch, at the very corner of the cafeteria that people normally avoid. He's doing his usual moping when a girl slides in across from him. 

Alexander looks up and studies her features. Warm, smiling eyes, long brown hair. She's chubby and beautiful, and Alexander smiles, feeling less alone already. 

She doesn't say anything, just eats her lunch and writes in her notebook, looking up at Alexander every now and then. 

Alexander holds out his hand after a while. “Alexander Hamilton,” he says. 

“Elizabeth Schuyler,” the girl responds, smiling at Alexander. She takes Alexander’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze instead of a handshake. 

“You look beautiful,” Alexander says, smiling in return. 

She blushes, shaking her head, but soon they’re chattering away as if they had been friends for years. It's another week another someone else slides in next to him. 

“Peggy,” they say. There's a handshake. Peggy’s a lot smaller than her sister, two grades under Alexander, but the liveliness she brings to the table makes Alexander smile. He helps them with homework, and they provide freshman gossip in return. It's fun to talk about. 

The week passes quickly, and another Schuyler sibling sits down next to Eliza. She's wearing a leather jacket with spiked studs. Her eyes are covered in dark makeup, and her nails are painted black. It's almost a direct contrast to the kind aura that Eliza has, and the peppy expression that Peggy always has on their face. 

This one is scary and it makes Alexander slightly uncomfortable. She's a senior, which only makes it worse. 

“I dumped John Church and I don't want to sit with him, which is the only reason I'm here,” she says, nails drumming on the table. 

“Sure,” Peggy says. “Here's my boyfriend, Alexander.”

“I'm not their boyfriend,” Alexander says, holding out his hand. 

The oldest girl stares at it for a few seconds before taking it and giving it firm shake. 

“Angelica Schuyler,” she says. “And I doubt Peggy’s getting a boyfriend anytime soon. Or a girlfriend for that matter.”

“Fuck love, I wanna be forever alone,” Peggy says.

“Pleased to meet you,” Alexander replies. 

She nods, starting a conversation with Eliza. Alexander goes back to helping Peggy with their homework. 

None of them bring up soulmates, but Alexander can see _Margarita Schuyler_ on one of Angelica's wrists. Eliza has her names already, and Peggy’s wrists are blank. It's nice being a part of them, and he feels like their adoptive brother most of the time. 

He gets invited over a lot, stays with them as late as possible before rushing home before his foster parents are back. Most of the time, he has that soaring feeling. He can do anything he puts his mind to. He knows he can. 

Debate starts two weeks later. Alexander finds himself in the bathroom across from the debate classroom, trying to figure out whether or not to go in. He knows that Angelica is in there right now, he's not alone. 

He ends up late for debate. He's never late for debate. He sits in the seat next to Angelica, and he notices James and Jefferson across the room. He looks away almost immediately, starting a conversation with Angelica about tax reform to keep his mind off the fact that James is right there. 

Debate starts, and he and Jefferson are paired up. He walks up, fists balled and jaw clenched, and Jefferson saunters over with a grin. It's free debate, which means that there's partnerships facing off against each other in a relatively unstructured way. The topic is whether or not Obamacare is a good plan. 

Angelica goes first, Jefferson is the second argument, Alexander speaks third, and James speaks fourth. It ends up with them lobbing insults at each other while James and Angelica stare at each other with questioning expressions. 

“I fucking hate you.”

“Me too.”

The words sting, but Alexander crosses his arms, scowling at Jefferson. He shouldn't have come out today. His eyes flicker over to James, whose eyes are on Jefferson.

The truth is that Alexander really doesn't hate Jefferson. He misses Jefferson, and that's the worst part. 

Angelica drags him away after the club ends. 

“What the fuck was that?” she asks. 

Alexander sighs, beginning the whole story, and by the end, she's cuddling with him on the couch, holding him close. 

He's at their house a lot more than he's at his own. It's nice. 

“I saw one of Thomas’ wrists,” she says softly. 

“Yeah?”

“It's you,” she whispers. 

Alexander sighs. It's bad enough that he ruined the friendship, but now they were enemies? He sighs. “Let’s watch John Oliver.”

“Okay,” she says, and she puts on the TV and pulls out their homework, getting started on it. They laugh about the quips on the TV show and Alexander feels better, at least for now. 

After they’re done with their homework, Angelica blasts emo music for “healing,” and Alexander dances along with it, enjoying it more than he thought he would. She gives him dark makeup before he leaves, and he hides it in his room, a smile on his face.

He wears it to school the next day, and Angelica gives him her leather jacket. “Welcome to the emo lifestyle,” she says. 

It's nice, and he’s back to normal in a few days, deciding to save the makeup for bad days. 

He and Peggy join the school newspaper, and they’re instantly writing together all the time. It’s nice, it really is, and Alexander can feel himself smiling. 

Alexander’s parents are out for winter break, and it took nearly no convincing to get them to leave him at home. He packs a bag and heads over to the Schuyler house, where he's introduced to their parents. He stays upstairs in the guest room most of the time, not wanting to intrude on anything happening, but the Schuyler siblings are constantly there, telling him about everything that's going on. 

Eliza has a nightmare one night and instantly plops herself down on Alexander’s bed, and they cuddle a little bit. She sees what Alexander is wearing, and the next day there’s a pile of soft pajamas by his door. He grins, cuddling into them. She takes him to volunteer at the animal shelter the next day, and he falls in love with the dogs. 

Eliza smiles at him, kissing his cheek. He feels like he belongs. 

Alexander and Peggy begin writing a novel, talking about it constantly, coming up with characters and plot points and everything. Peggy starts pinning up doodles and excerpts on Alexander’s closet door, connecting them with yarn. They both look at it often, adding more and planning more. 

His parents are home, but they think that he's out on a school trip. Mr. Schuyler had helped with the lie, taking a liking to Alexander as soon as he walked in on Angelica and Alexander making a petition to rename Lee-Jackson highway. 

One day, he wakes up to a chorus of “Happy Birthday,” everyone in his room. He grins, sitting up, and gets a bunch of presents piled at the side of the bed. 

“You can go back to sleep if you want to,” Mrs. Schuyler says, and Alexander just shakes his head, grinning. 

“Well, we can celebrate however you'd like, so if you have any ideas, feel free to tell us,” Mr. Schuyler says. “You guys have fun, alright? We’ll be downstairs.”

Peggy gets him a notebook, a dragon embossed on the front. Alexander grins, it's the best notebook he's ever seen and he's sure as hell using it every day. 

Eliza gets him a bunch of pajamas with different animal prints, and a few comfy shirts for school. He's in love with those too. 

Angelica’s box is filled with makeup, pens, and a leather jacket. 

“We can stud it up together, if you'd like,” she says, and Alexander throws his arms around her. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, hugging each one of them. 

Their parents had given him $200, and Angelica was already listing things that they could do with it. Band t-shirts, more studs for his backpack, maybe a few books on debate, a few MCR albums. He chuckles, deciding to save the money for later. 

Eliza leans in after a bit. “Your wrists,” she whispers. 

Alexander looks down, and the names are there, as expected. He doesn't expect to know both of the names. 

_Thomas Jefferson._

That makes sense. Jefferson already has Alexander’s name, so it's not surprising to have him as an enemy. It's his other hand that makes Alexander’s heart stop. 

“James is your soulmate?” Angelica asks, furrowing her eyebrows. “But he's Thomas’ soulmate.”

“What?” Alexander asks. 

“Thomas’ wrists have you and James,” she says, running her fingers over James Madison’s name. “It's written the same way. It's the same James.”

Alexander looks back down at the deliberate writing on his wrist. He knows the handwriting anywhere. It's his James, he's sure of it. 

“Ooh, drama!” Peggy says. Eliza shoots them a look and Alexander chuckles a little. 

They can't both be his enemies, right? 

Jefferson, who he was friends with for so long, who he's texted for hours into the night. Madison, who he loved and kissed and cuddled. It's not fair. 

Angelica gently covers his wrists, pushing his arms down. 

“You'll figure it out, okay?” Eliza says. Her voice is soothing and Alexander finds himself relaxing a little. 

He nods.

Angelica throws a hoodie at him. “Just keep your wrists covered for now so you're not constantly thinking about it. The entire soulmate thing is kind of weird, anyway. Example: Peggy is my soulmate.”

“Yup,” Peggy said, shrugging. “And Ange is probably my soulmate, and I'm going to cry if she isn't.”

Angelica chuckled. “Point is, not all soulmates are the same.”

“The entire falling-in-love with your soulmate thing doesn't make much sense when you're aro,” Peggy said. “Probably why Ange and I got paired up. I'm aro, and she's still figuring shit out. Can't give me a romantic soulmate, so it just went for family.”

“And I got neither of them,” Eliza said, shrugging. “Doesn't mean they don't love me just as much. The system really is screwed.”

Alexander relaxes even more, smiling and giving them a nod. He pulls on the dark hoodie, smiling. 

Alexander doesn't want to do too much to celebrate, he doesn’t want to take advantage of the Schuylers. They still get him a cake, and Angelica blasts music in his room while they decorate his leather jacket. It ends up with “Alexander” written rhinestones across the back, a bi pride flag patch on the arm, and spiked studs on the shoulders. 

“We can get more patches and stuff later,” she says as Alexander gives her a spin. 

“Thanks,” Alexander says. 

Angelica throws him a studded bracelet, and he catches it, slipping it onto his wrist. It covers the name perfectly. 

“I like it, but isn't it a little too much?” Alexander asks. 

“Nonsense. Wear it if you want to,” Angelica said. “I'm sure Liz can find you something a little less scary.”

“Can probably make you something less scary,” Eliza said, chuckling. 

“Why would you want to be less scary?” Peggy asked. “There's a jewelry store nearby, we can find some that aren't lame.”

“Yup, we still have two more days until school starts,” Eliza says. “We can go today.”

They end up going in the afternoon, and there's apparently enough of a market for soulmate-covering cuffs that there's a huge section in the back where Alexander can pick what he wants. 

Peggy hands him a pair with the Declaration of Independence printed on it. “Nerd.”

Alexander chuckles, putting it in his bag

Eliza gets him a fur one that’s super soft, and it's calming to runs his fingers over. He saves that one too. 

“Alex, did you know that we can get one with our own text engraved on it? You can literally wear our novel!” Peggy says excitedly. 

Alexander chuckles, grinning. “Sounds amazing.”

Peggy picks up an order form for the engraved cuffs, folding it and stuffing it into their pocket.

Angelica hands him a few plain ones. “Better to have a few of these just in case.”

Alexander buys all of the chosen bracelets with half of the $200. The siblings help him pack up so that he can get back home before school starts up again. 

He walks into the building. Maybe he can talk to Jefferson and James about this. They’re probably going to be as confused as Alexander. Maybe they can work it out. Alexander turns into the next hallway, fiddling with the cuffs, and the first thing he sees is Jefferson pressed against a locker as James kisses him roughly. Alexander heart stops, and he’s back to dashing through the hallways. 

The worst part is that he doesn't even know who he’s jealous of. 

Walking up to either one of them and trying to explain the two names on his wrists seems to be one of the worst decisions he could make, so he just keeps his mouth shut. His siblings say nothing, and they’re the only ones who know. 

Alexander doesn't want to go to debate and deal with the pain of seeing James and Jefferson together, moving on without him. He can be happy with Angelica, Peggy, and Eliza. James and Jefferson don't deserve to be broken up because of him. 

He fucking misses them though. 

It's a few weeks later, and he hears that James’ marks are both him and Jefferson. Alexander groans. He has two enemies, which seems to be the worst thing that life has ever done for him. 

Skipping debate doesn't make much sense anymore. James and Jefferson know that Alexander is on their wrists, and they’re still kissing all the time. Alexander sighs. He's standing in front of the debate competition sign-ups, which starts small, but the finals are held in DC. The paper is surrounded by crappy paper hearts. Valentine’s Day. 

Alexander pulled out a pen, signing his name on the paper. It was one of his favorite events of the year, and he wasn't going to miss it because of stupid relationship drama. 

“You haven't been at debate the past few weeks,” a voice behind him says. Alexander knows the drawl, and he turns, looking up at Thomas Jefferson. 

Alexander doesn't bother to come up with a retort. He's tired of the baseless arguments, and he's not in the mood to get insulted by Jefferson. 

“I wouldn't have noticed, but Jemmy still cares about you,” Jefferson continues. 

Alexander knows the first part is a lie, but the second part makes him perk up a little. James still cares about him? Then again, there's a lot keeping them from each other. 

“Tell him I meant it when I said I was sorry,” Alexander says. 

Thomas begins to walk forward, and Alexander feels scared for a moment. He curls into himself, but all that happens is Jefferson signing his name under Alexander's. 

Alexander lets out a sigh of relief, looking at their two names next to each other. Maybe he can get Thomas back. 

“Going to bring your shitty opinions with you?” he asks. It's their thing, the _shitty opinions_ quip. 

“Someone has to save the world from you,” Thomas answers, smiling at Alexander. 

Alexander feels the tension leave his body, relaxing a little bit. He offers Thomas a smile as well. 

“I'm sorry,” Thomas says. 

Alexander nods. “Me too. Bad day, I overreacted.” There's more he needs to apologize for. The constant stupid insults thrown at each other. “Sorry about the insults too.”

“Guess I started that. I apologize.”

Alexander smiles, wanting to start a playful debate with Thomas, get more of their relationship back. He hesitates, eyes flickering down to his covered wrists. He's wearing the Declaration of Independence cuffs today. 

“Who's under there?” Thomas asks. “Is it me or Mads?”

Alexander looks back up at him, about to spill the entire thing, when he hears the bell ringing, cutting him off. He's late to class. 

“I've got to go,” he says, running off down the hallway, away from Thomas and from the swirling emotions in his gut. 

All Alexander can think about for the rest of the day is Thomas. It's around twelve at night when he finally picks up his phone and sends Thomas a few texts. It's a continuation of the debate they started a few months ago, one that was never continued because of everything that had happened. There's no response, but he sends paragraph after paragraph until it's hard to keep his eyes open, and he falls asleep on top of his phone.

He's a pessimist, but there’s always a chance that it’ll get better, and that’s all Alexander needs right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I semi did this on purpose but each one of the boys focuses on a specific relationship,, like James talks about Madilton almost the entire time, and Thomas talks about Jeffmads, and Alexander talks about Jamilton and honestly they all want different things and I kind of want to yell


	4. In Which James Weighs his Options

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!

James wakes up to a steady beeping coming from Thomas’ phone, pings that cause the phone to light up before it faded back to darkness. James has never been a heavy sleeper, to the point where even the littlest things wake him up. That includes whatever the hell is going on with Thomas’ phone. He reaches over and into Thomas’ back pocket, pulling out the phone. He isn't exactly sure what he was expecting, but it's not the name _Alexander Hamilton_ with nine messages, all the size of paragraphs.

Do Alexander and Thomas usually speak?

It's unexpected. Every conversation that Alexander and Thomas have in school is snarls and hatred and fury all wrapped into one roll James would rather stay away from. He scrolls down to the first paragraph. It's definitely a continuation of a conversation, and it's hard to get the exact context. A new message flashes at the top. 

**Alexander 2:31: You’re a fucking dick, you know that? I'm about to sleep and I honestly hope that you aren't ignoring my messages because I will legit never talk to you again you loser**

**Alexander 2:32: Tell James I said hi**

**Alexander 2:32: But not if he hates me, cause that would kind of be lame. Also not if you hate me since that would be lamer. You did apologize, so I'm counting that as something. Should I be getting my hopes up?**

**Alexander 2:33: Back to your piece of shit positions.**

James waits, expecting another message, but it never comes. He hopes Alexander went to sleep, doesn't want it to be anything else. He waits a few more minutes to see if Alexander was typing up some kind of super long essay, before gently turning the ringer off on the phone and slipping it onto the table at the edge of his bed. He gently kisses Thomas’ jaw and gets back to cuddling into his boyfriend’s chest. He can always ask about it in the morning. 

It takes a little longer than usual for James to drift off to sleep, but when he does, he manages to sleep until the alarm at the side of the bed starts ringing like crazy. Thomas curses from next to him, and James lets out a soft groan. He reaches over, turning it off. 

“Morning, love,” James says softly, kissing Thomas’ cheek. 

“Maddie,” Thomas murmurs, his voice a deep morning rumble. He hugs James tighter. “Can we just skip school today?”

“Why?” 

“Wanna stay here and kiss you,” Thomas says, cuddling closer. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” James says softly, pressing a kiss to Thomas’ cheek. “Which is why I'm forcing you to go to school today.”

“Nooooooo,” Thomas whines, giving James a cute pout. 

James chuckles, gently kissing Thomas’ protruding lower lip. He wiggles out of Thomas’ arms, his small body easy to maneuver. Thomas whines again when the warmth is gone, looking up at James with a lost expression. 

“You're cute, baby,” James says, before devilishly ripping the blanket off of Thomas’ body. 

Thomas makes a loud groaning noise, burying his face in the pillow. “I'm breaking up with you.”

“Of course you are,” James says, leaning over and kissing the top of Thomas’ head. “Alexander texted.”

The sudden change is obvious- Thomas is instantly up, trying to get his phone from his pocket. James studies him carefully. He wasn't expecting this reaction. He pulls the phone off of the bedside table, handing it to Thomas, who’s opening it and checking what's on there. 

Thomas looks up at James, an explanation for his behavior on his lips, ready if James is going to ask. However, James is one of those people who would never ask directly, and instead gets obsessed with figuring it out himself, so he doesn’t say anything, just watches Thomas. 

“Alexander says ‘hi’,” Thomas mentions. 

James nods. Is Alexander really enough to get him out of bed, but not James? He bites his lip. Thomas and Alexander have a history. He realized that at the debate club meeting that seems to have taken place ages ago. He never once tried figuring out what that history was. He always thought it was just hatred between them, because they were enemies, right?

There's another thing- Thomas just called Alexander by his first name. That never happened. Did having one talk yesterday actually change that much?

Thomas aggressively moves his fingers over the keys, his brows furrowed as he shoots back a few more messages. He slips the phone into his pocket, looking up at James. He's waiting for a question, James can feel it. 

There's silence for a few seconds, but Thomas breaks it. “You should talk to him.”

James nods again. 

“He misses you, you know,” Thomas says. 

James sighs. It really doesn't seem like it. Every time he sees Alexander, he's hanging out with someone else. It's almost as if Alexander has moved on, leaving James yearning for a relationship that would never happen. 

“He doesn't,” James says. 

“Yeah, well he just asked a lot about you,” Thomas replies. “In honor of me sorting out some of my shit with him, you should too.”

James cocks his head. 

“I know you have feelings for him,” Thomas states, as if the fact is nothing. 

James doesn't challenge it. James can't challenge it, not without lying. “Yet you seem completely fine with it.”

“I love you, darling,” Thomas says softly. “I want you to be happy, and if that means you're going to be happier with Alexander, I’m fine with that.”

James instantly softens, getting back into the bed. He hugs Thomas tightly, cuddling into him. “If it's a choice between him or you, I’d choose you in an instant. I love you, baby.”

The worst part is that James doesn't know who he'd choose if it was a choice between Thomas or Alexander. He wants them both, and it feels wrong. 

Thomas hugs James tightly, snuggling close. James gently kisses his jaw, and Thomas hums happily, responding with a kiss to James’ forehead. 

_Thomas. He'd definitely choose Thomas._

He's with Thomas right now, and that's what matters. He nuzzles into Thomas’ neck, getting him to giggle. 

“I still want you to talk to him,” Thomas murmurs. 

“Whatever you want, baby,” James replies, slapping Thomas’ butt playfully. “Now get up, it's time for school.”

Thomas sticks out his tongue but pushes himself up. He picks up James, and James lets out a high pitched giggle. Thomas kisses him, and James kisses back, holding onto Thomas as tightly as possible. He carries James to the bathroom, putting him down on the counter. James reaches for his brush and some paste, beginning to brush his teeth. They can't use their words, so they just smile at each other lovingly as they brush their teeth, as usual. 

James rides Thomas’ shoulders down the stairs, burying his face in his boyfriend’s hair. It's heaven. He's not sure why he can't just be okay with this.

He is okay with this. He just wants Alexander to do this too. 

“Morning, boys,” James’ mom says. 

“Mom,” James replies. Thomas puts him down so that he can go over and kiss his mom’s cheek. 

“Dad’s at work already. You boys have fun,” she says, smiling warmly. 

“Thanks, Mrs. Madison,” Thomas says. 

“Just call me mom,” she replies, before adding, “If you want.”

Thomas nods, and James waves as his mom leaves to get logged onto work. He takes Thomas’ hand and drags him over to the cereal, and they both eat, giggling the entire time. James pulls Thomas over to their bags, handing one to Thomas and taking his own. Thomas drives the both of them to school, showing off his _amazing_ singing skills to James in a rendition of Shiny from Moana. 

“Maui! Now it's time to kick your hiney!”

They both burst into laughter, pulling into school.

It's nice, and days like this feel like home. James loves this more than anything. It's all soft and warm between them, and it feels perfect. It’s what he loved so much about his time with Alexander, even if it was a lot different. The kisses were a lot more hesitant, questioning. After all, neither of them had been in a relationship before. Neither of them had come out to each other, or their parents, or anything like that. It was just… new. Unexpected, as James would say. It was a different kind of home. Even if it was a push from what he was used to, James liked it. He had Alexander with him the entire time.

James snaps back to reality. He’s with Thomas now.

They share a long and deep kiss right at the front of the building, humming into each other’s mouths, before the first bell rings and they run to English together.

They have a test in class, so they don't get to speak to each other the entire time. After they're finally done, they split up for second period.

They’ll meet during third period, they have art together. 

James always told himself that Thomas was just like Alexander, that they were more alike than they’d care to admit. That's not true. Thomas is a completely different feeling altogether. It's all warmth and comfort. Alexander feels like being held up to a live wire, all excitement and electricity and constant buzzing. 

He sees Alexander after first period, walking in the hallway with dark makeup on. He's on his phone, not paying attention to anything that's happening in the hallway. James has seen him a few times like this, but he's never actually asked about it. 

_You should talk to him._

James convinces himself that he's doing it for Thomas, and walks to where Alexander is leaning against a locker, an eyebrow raised as he continues to type something out on his phone. 

“Hey,” James says softly. 

Alexander looks up, studying James with questioning eyes. He pulls an earbud out of his ear- James didn't notice that Alexander had one in- and waits for a second. “Are you talking to me?”

Alexander's voice is soft, surprised, and James watches as Alexander lowers his phone, stuffing it into his leather jacket. 

Angelica knows what’s on those wrists, even though she won't tell him.

“Yeah, um, nice makeup,” James says.

“Birthday present,” he says, watching James’ eyes drift down to his cuffs. He holds up a covered wrist. “These were too.”

“Angelica?” James asks. It's a mutual friend, even though James and Angelica barely talk other than friendly conversation in the hallway. Alexander’s makeup is similar to Angelica’s, and they’re constantly hanging out, so it seems to make sense. 

“This one was actually Eliza’s,” Alexander says, running his fingers over the fur on the cuff. “Technically her parents’, but she picked it out for me.”

James nods, and he looks back at Alexander again. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want to mess it up.

“Do you want to hang out sometime?” Alexander blurts. “Like we used to? Without the entire kissing thing, of course.”

Alexander’s face turns red a second later, as he realizes what he just said. Still, he’s brimming with energy, expecting a response. The anticipation is clear in his frame. He’s leaning forward, eyes shining. He blows away a stray hair that ended up on his face somehow. James isn’t sure. 

James fails to notice that he’s also leaning in until he sees Alexander step back, blushing. They hadn’t been that close, it was just the closest they’d been in a few months. Those few months that changed so much between them. James wants to sigh, let out some of what he’s feeling, but he holds it in.

“Thomas and I usually wander around after school,” James says. “If you want to join us.”

“You and Thomas?” Alexander repeats, his voice tilting the words into a question. 

“Yes,” James said. “He wants to hang out with you too.”

Alexander nods, smiling a little. “Okay, yeah, that works. It won’t be too awkward?”

“What, my ex and current boyfriend hanging out with me at the same time?” James teases. “Of course not.”

“Thomas wants to see me?”

Yes, Thomas wants to see Alexander. James can easily tell it from the way Thomas leapt for the phone this morning. It takes him a second to realize that Thomas hasn’t only been watching James watch Alexander, he’s been watching Alexander as well. 

Another part of James reminds him that Alexander is supposed to be their worst enemy. His eyes flicker down to the cuffs that cover Alexander’s wrists again.

Of course, James isn’t one to ask questions directly. 

James just gives Alexander a nod. The change in Alexander’s face is immediately obvious. He smiles. “Good, that’s- that’s good.”

James can tell that it means much more than just _good_ to Alexander, but he keeps his mouth shut. It means more than just _good_ to himself and Thomas as well. “I’ll meet you by the back entrance, near the science hall.”

“See you too.”

With that, they’re both off again. James ends up in his usual seat in art, right next to Thomas, and Alexander’s gone wherever the hell he goes for third period. Thomas flops down next to James. 

“Alexander said you’ve invited him for the daily fucking around after school,” Thomas says, grinning. 

James chuckles, looking at Thomas. “How’d you-”

“Alexander texted me,” he hums, almost singing the words. It’s obvious he’s happy. James thinks back to Alexander’s painted nails tapping on the phone. Must’ve been texting Thomas, then. 

James is happy they’re starting to drift back together. Things are getting better, and that’s what he needs to hear right now. Then again, the fact that Thomas and Alexander had clicked together like magnets almost instantly makes him feel… something.

“I love you,” James murmurs, like it’s something he needs to reaffirm for the both of them.

“I love you too, Jamie,” Thomas responds, looking at him. “Why, is there a problem?”

“No?” 

“Your next _I love you_ wasn’t due until the end of art,” Thomas murmurs.

“Du-”

“It’s not a bad thing, you know, saying I love you at the same times,” Thomas mentions. “It’s nice. Dependable. Just like you.”

James chuckles. “Quite the flatterer.”

“Only for you, Mads,” Thomas hums in return. He presses a quick kiss to James’ temple right as class starts. James stays leaned against Thomas almost the entire time, just sucking up the love between them.

Choosing didn’t need to happen. He has Thomas, that’s all he needs. Alexander probably didn’t want to be more than just friends with him, anyway. There was no way James was going to mess up the relationship he was in now for someone that he should’ve stopped loving the way he did a long time ago.

He was Thomas’. 

That was all he needed.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love y'all. The comments on the last chapter were honestly so motivating. Thank you so much. :)


	5. Google Drive Thinks This Chapter is About the Environment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Thomas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Thomas hates math class. He hates that he has no friends in math class. For some reason, the powers-that-be thought it would be fun to lump every delinquent into one class, and then place Thomas’ poor nerd ass into the class along with them. 

Thomas had kept his cool aura up until someone slid into the seat next to him and offered him weed. 

“ _What?_ ” he squeaked.

So that’s math class.

Thomas looks up, just to check if anything’s changed. Nothing has. The teacher had given up on the first month back. She just puts work up on the board and expects kids to do it themselves. There was no point teaching a class where nobody listens.

Thomas tried to listen, but he was too busy keeping his charming routine up that it probably ended up stressing out the teacher more. Whoops.

Another reason he hates math class is because James isn’t in his math class. It’s a horror. At least he has James next period. He looks back at his notebook- there’s no math there, just his planning for the upcoming debate competition: the upcoming debate competition of which the topics of debate haven’t even been announced yet. There wasn’t much that Thomas could do anyway. It was just guesswork.

_Days one-three: research. Days four-five: Begin to draft. Day six: revise. Day seven: rehearse. Next week: Beat Hamilton’s ass_

Thomas stresses over everything too much, but the schedules seem to give him a tangible idea of exactly how much to stress. The only times the stress melts away is when he’s cuddling with James, or when James is looking him in the eyes, gently whispering about how it’s going to be alright. 

That, and when Thomas is debating with Alexander. The pool of stress and anxiety throughout his body seems to dissipate into exhilaration. It’s an amazing feeling. Nobody else in the world exists except for Alexander and himself. He loves it.

He realizes that fantasizing about Alexander is probably on the boyfriend no-no list. He decides he’s not fantasizing about Alexander, he’s just fantasizing about crushing Alexander’s terrible opinions into the dust. Fuck Alexander.

On the hand: _fuck,_ Alexander.

He snaps out of it again, smiling as he thinks about James’ soft features and his loving smile and that attractive death glare he gives people when he’s pissed. He loves James. 

Maybe Alexander is their enemy because of all of this confusion. How the hell was Thomas supposed to know? The soulmate system was supposed to be perfect, not a convoluted pile of horse shit. Thomas groaned, rubbing his temple. He turned the page in his notebook, beginning another schedule. He doesn’t exactly know what for, but soon his brain latches onto the idea that he needs to check everything in his bag just to make sure it’s all still there. Seems like something stupid to worry about.

Thomas is reaching down when his phone suddenly goes off. He knows exactly who it is. Call him obsessive, but everyone had a different vibration tone on his phone. That was Alexander’s tone. Thomas redirects his hand to his pocket, pulling it out and reading the text message.

**Alexander 8:27: James invited me to hang out with you guys after school.**

**Alexander 8:27: I just wanted to make sure that was cool with you and stuff.**

Thomas grins, unlocking the phone. It takes everything in him not to type _YASSSSSSSSSSSS_ into the text box. He’s got this.

**Thomas 8:29: That would be awesome!**

**Thomas 8:29: What’s your last period class?**

He bites his lip as he doesn’t see Alexander’s typing bubble come up within the first few seconds. He’s already tapping his foot nervously.

**Alexander 8:31: Chemistry.**

Thomas smiles again.

**Thomas 8:31: James and I have chemistry last period too. I’m guessing we’re all in different classes, then.**

**Alexander 8:32: I’m not as smart as you guys lol. I’m in general chem, aren’t you in honors?**

Thomas bites his lip, wondering whether to correct it. Might as well. Is he taking too long to reply?

**Thomas 8:33: AP, actually. Science is one of the things I’m good at.**

**Alexander 8:33: One of the many things, you mean.**

**Thomas 8:34: Lmao nope**

**Alexander 8:34: You’re good at debate. Pity you have such shitty opinions.**

Thomas blushes a little, and he’s sort of glad that his skin is so dark. Nothing really changes on his face.

**Thomas 8:34: Someone has to save the world from you.**

He waits for a bit, but Alexander stopped responding. Thomas looks back towards his schedule of the day, adding in a tiny spot that reads _find Alexander in the chemistry hallway after last period._

He writes _Alexander,_ not Hamilton. He notices this. It’s something tangible for once. He goes back out and crosses “Hamilton’s ass” from the top and adds “Alexander’s ass” instead.

That how his mind ended up wandering to Alexander’s ass. You can’t blame him. 

His phone buzzes again, and there’s practically an entire essay from Alexander refuting one of Thomas’ paragraphs from the morning. Thomas grins and gets to typing a response. _Environmental issues should be handled at the state level, dumbass._

Thomas ends up texting Alexander until **Alexander 8:55: my teacher is super suspicious, gotta jet.** It’s almost the end of class anyway. He can probably attempt to talk to Alexander during lunch. (Read: He will walk close to Alexander’s table several times, like it’s an accident he’s hanging out on that side of the cafeteria, and hopefully Alexander will notice and start a conversation so that Thomas doesn’t have to do it himself.)

Thomas slips his phone into his pocket and packs his math stuff into his bag before joining the throng of students that are milling about and chatting in the hallway. He goes to his next class relatively fast, just wanting to meet up with James. 

James is already there, in his usual seat. James brings a sense of routine to Thomas’ life, and he loves it. He’s just always there at the right points with exactly what Thomas needs at that moment. There’s part of Thomas that thinks that James knows every move everyone is going to make, and that’s why everyone seems to be slightly terrified of James.

Or he murdered someone last year and nobody decided to clue Thomas in about it because he’s the new kid. Ah yes, watch this kid die.

The random thoughts melt away as soon as he sees James’ face, and he slides into the seat next to James. As usual. He skips the _hellos,_ there’s really no point of them.

“Alexander said you invited him for the daily fucking around after school,” Thomas hums.

He’s proud of the sentence. It sounds cool, at least to him. He’s probably not the most sane if he’s analyzing every sentence that comes out of his mouth, but it’s a habit he hasn’t let go of yet. He hears James’ chuckle and grins as well. 

“How’d you-”

“Alexander texted me,” Thomas said, trying not to let too much of his eagerness show. It’s obvious James can see it anyway. He’s James. James seems to know everything that’s going on in everyone’s head. 

(Part of Thomas thinks it’s an act. That part of Thomas is correct, not that Thomas will ever know.)

There’s something comforting about it, as if James can reach inside your head and pull more meaning from what you’re saying. It’s helpful for Thomas, and probably terrifying for everyone else. 

“I love you,” James murmurs.

It seems random, like three misplaced words that shouldn’t have been dropped there. 

“I love you too, Jamie.” Thomas looks at him, a little questioning. “Why, is there a problem?”

James snaps out of his thoughts, looking back at Thomas. “No?”

“Your next _I love you_ wasn’t due until the end of art.” Thomas, obviously, hasn’t charted out every time James will say those three words, but he knows right then is the wrong time. The _I love you_ is most likely to fall at the end of art. Thomas suddenly thinks that James might’ve taken it as an insult. He’s not calling James a robot, he was just trying to figure out what was wrong. (Then again, he might’ve just been overanalyzing his words again.)

“Du-”

Thomas cuts in. “It’s not a bad thing, you know, saying I love you at the same time. It’s nice.” _That doesn’t sound right._ “Dependable.” _Much better_ “Just like you.”

He deserves a round of applause for that.

James chuckles again, a smile on his face. “Quite the flatterer.”

Thomas grins, “only for you, Mads.” 

Class is about to start. He kisses James’ temple, reaching for a pencil to start on his sketch for their architecture project. James stays against him the entire time, looking deep in thought. Thomas doesn’t say anything. He knows that James pretty much only joined this class for Thomas, so if James wants to be bored, that’s fine with him.

It doesn’t take too long until they’re dismissed. Thomas grins slightly. They’re going to lunch, which is something he and Alexander actually share. Even if it isn’t a class. Thomas takes James’ hand, skipping to the lunch room. James walks behind him, somehow managing to keep up his calm and collected aura despite being being dragged by a skipping puppy. Thomas would kill for that skill. 

The lunch routine starts. Alexander hasn’t walked in yet, so Thomas just stands in the line to get his food and waits. James drags him back over to their table right after. The corner of James’ lip is upturned, like he knows exactly what Thomas is thinking. He’s waiting for Alexander, too.

Alexander ends up at his usual spot, talking about something with Angelica, until she pushes him with a grin. Alexander slips his phone out of his pocket, chuckling softly as he checks it. His eyes narrow, and suddenly, he's stomping over to Thomas. 

Thomas’ first thought: oh shit. 

Then again, Alexander isn't the type to stomp over like this when he's mad. When Alexander is mad, he just shakes his head and stays away. At least, that's what he does to Thomas. He supposes Alexander’s relationship with him is supposed to be different because they’re supposed to be mortal enemies or something. 

Seeing his mortal enemy storming over is exhilarating. Thomas knows he’s in for something. 

“You. Little. Shit,” Alexander says. 

There's a second of silence, and there’s doubt in the air. Nobody knows what's going to happen next. 

“I think I'm rather tall for a little shit,” Thomas drawls. Yes, that's something cool to say. He pats himself on the back. He's not sure if he's building up walls or relieving the tense air. 

“There is _no_ fucking reason that environmental regulations should be handled at the state level, bitch. Everything you wrote is wrong, and here’s why,” Alex says, holding up his phone to read Thomas’ text message. “Your first point is bullshit, because even if the environment of every state is different, you're forgetting the fact that rivers and air supply isn't just limited to every state. They’re fluids, dumbass, they flow. If Tennessee decides to be a dick and pollute the Mississippi River, do you want fucking Mississippi to spend tons of money on cleaning it? Isn't it better for there to be a regulation in the first place?”

“You're assuming that states are inherently evil and want to pollute water,” Thomas shoots back. “States-”

“Corporations are inherently evil-”

“Hold up a minute. This is about environmental regulation, not the fact that you're a fucking _communist _.” Thomas ignored Alexander beginning to protest. “What if a state doesn't have major rivers and needs to focus on cleaning the air instead? If federal laws are lax on improving air quality, then they can just slack off. It's better if it's personalized for each state.”__

__Thomas can see James recording the entire deal on his phone. Usually, it'd make Thomas nervous, but his blood is still rushing through him and feels so fucking alive. It's perfect. He grins at Alexander, awaiting the response._ _

__“But how would we be able to control states that want to divert funding to businesses instead of the environment- I am not a communist, you giant fucker.”_ _

__“The point of government is to find that balance,” Thomas hums._ _

__“But if a state is conservative, they’ll favor expanding businesses without regulation, and if they’re liberal, they’ll focus on the environment. It'll turn this into a green state versus black state issue.”_ _

__“Nice quote, you should get it on a t-shirt,” Thomas says, smiling slightly._ _

__“Thank you.”_ _

__“One issue,” Thomas adds. “We know the conservative states aren't going to be okay with being called _black_ states.”_ _

__Alexander grins. “Always have to find the fault with all of my ideas.”_ _

__“Someone’s got to save the world from you,” Thomas says, and he grins as well, holding out a hand. “I think we can call a truce for lunch. We happen to have an empty seat at our table.”_ _

__Thomas is mentally patting himself on the back for that one. It was smooth._ _

__Alexander smiles, settling into the seat opposite James and Thomas. His phone pings a second later, and it’s a video of their tiny showdown._ _

__“Nothing like the old days,” Thomas mutters. “But it was nice.”_ _

__“That felt amazing,” Alexander says, laughing. He waves at James. “Hey.”_ _

__“Hey to you too,” James replies. “Nothing like the old days, huh? Those must've been terrifying.”_ _

__They all force a chuckle. The tension is starting to build up again, the rest of the world and their pasts starting to form themselves in their memories. Thomas begins tapping his foot a little nervously._ _

__Maybe old days wasn't the right thing to bring up. Thomas begins to list every reason it was a stupid thing to say, but James cuts in. A savior, as always._ _

__“What class do you have next?” he asks, looking at Alexander._ _

__“No class, just study hall,” Alexander says, shrugging._ _

__“Really? Me too. I've never seen you around during study hall,” James says._ _

__“Yeah, I normally hide under the bleachers during freshman gym. There's a ton of space there, so I can really… spread out.”_ _

__James nods. Alexander and James share a look for a second, and then Alexander’s eyes dart over to Thomas. “What do you have next?”_ _

__“Orchestra,” Thomas says. “It's a lame class, but I love playing the violin.”_ _

__“Really? I've never heard you play before.”_ _

__“Concert is next week,” James offers. “If you're interested.”_ _

__“Have to check with my parents.”_ _

__James and Alexander share another look. Thomas wishes that he could understand what the fuck they convey._ _

__“I'll give you a ride if you're really interested. It’s Tuesday,” James says. “I'll be driving Thomas anyway.”_ _

__Thomas will have to get there early for dress rehearsal. Playing on stage seems terrifying until he starts the first note, and then it all just pours out naturally. It's almost like debating with Alexander. The world seems to slip out for a little bit. It's every bit as exhilarating. He loves playing._ _

__Alexander considers for a moment. “I think I can make it,” he says, smiling._ _

__Thomas grins. He's actually kind of happy that Alexander will be in the audience. Thomas glances down at his own wrist for a second. Alexander doesn't talk about what’s on his wrists, and Thomas honestly just wants to know when Alexander will be willing to talk about it with him. It's something he's been thinking about so much._ _

__James takes Thomas’ hand, snapping him out of the wrist staring. He can see that Alexander is considerably more awkward looking, picking at the cuffs on his wrists._ _

__Is Alexander even his enemy? It seems… unlikely._ _

__James once again saves them. “Alex, can I hang out with you for study hall? Things are actually pretty boring without having this loser around.”_ _

__Thomas grins and elbows James. “You're the loser… loser.”_ _

__Stupid thing to say, but he can see Alexander chuckling, and he likes that bit. Alexander’s smile makes him smile as well, and there’s a part of him that just wants to lean over and hug Alexander. There’s been too much between them. It’s honestly time for this shit to end. Maybe a hug would fix it all._ _

__That’s wishful thinking, of course. He’s not even sure if Alexander would like a hug from Thomas. Stupid thing._ _

__“Well?” James asks._ _

__“Why not? Sure,” Alexander says._ _

__James and Thomas usually kiss for a little as soon as they’ve finished lunch, but that plan is out the window for now. Not that Thomas minds too much. He's not even sure how Alexander has melded into their group so fast. It seems like a perfect fit, almost like he was supposed to be there, but there was no way that could be through._ _

__Despite the fact that James is now holding his hand, Thomas’ eyes float back down to the name on his wrist. One holds his soulmate. He had been so sure that it was James, after what had happened with Alexander._ _

__But being with Alexander feels so natural. There was no way he could be Thomas’ worst enemy. It seems like this entire situation would eventually twist up horrendously, and he'd suddenly be part of Alexander’s villain backstory after one of them does something horrifying._ _

__It’s that dread that holds him back from just snapping back to being friends with Alexander. He decides he hates the names on his wrists. What had once given him some kind of solace- the feeling that he was guaranteed love- now was just making him feel worse and worse._ _

__What if this entire thing was just a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the powers-that-be were just looking at him and laughing right now?_ _

__Thomas nervously tugs at one of his curls, and James’ hand in his immediately tightens. He has James. That's what he needs._ _

__That's who he needs._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' version says that Thomas' smile made him chuckle. Meanwhile, Thomas says the reason he smiled is because James chuckled. 
> 
> Thomas is talking about Alex hanging out on their usual date after school. 
> 
> What actually made them happy?? That. Not that they'll admit it to themselves. (I love hiding random stuff like that in these)


	6. In Which These Idiots Actually Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Alexander.

Alexander sits down with the Schuylers again, at his usual lunch table, instantly spilling the text conversation that had been going on between Thomas and himself. There’s a grin on his face as he speaks, and Angelica gives him a knowing smirk. Angelica doesn’t seem to be believing him. There’s no way that smile is anything but disbelief.

He’s wrong, because a second later, she’s pushing him towards James and Thomas, and he’s trying to figure out a way to walk over there. Thomas’ eyes are already on him. Alexander decides to pull his phone out of his pocket, pretending to read it for the first time. He does a good job of narrowing his eyes and storming over so it seems like he’s there for a debate.

Alexander’s terrified, but he can see the excitement in Thomas’ eyes, and it just pulls him forward even more. He doesn’t have a speech in mind, but he has the talent of fabricating speeches right out of his ass, and that’s got him this far.

He opens his mouth. Best to start with an insult.

“You. Little. Shit,” he says.

He’s unsure. Everyone’s unsure. James has his camera out and is recording this. Not that Thomas can see.

“Think I’m rather tall for a little shit,” Jefferson drawls.

Alexander grins. There’s the charm he’d been missing. He just wanted to run over and hug Thomas and not let go this time. Of course, he’s also in the middle of a debate, and his pride can’t handle that.

“There is no fucking reason that environmental regulations should be handled at the state level, bitch,” Alexander starts, and he’s instantly in his usual feeling of letting all the thoughts in his head out, the words flowing weirdly at first before they finally become smooth as he grasps onto his train of thought. He’s saying something about Mississippi, he knows that, but he also has no idea what he’s saying at the same time, just letting it happen. It’s been too long.

“You’re assuming that states are inherently evil,” Thomas says, opening his mouth to make a point. 

Oh no, you don’t. Alexander’s enjoying talking way too much. “Corporations are inherently evil-”

“Hold up a minute. This is about environmental regulation, not the fact that you're a fucking communist,” Thomas says.

Alexander begins to protest, but he’s cut off by Thomas again.

“What if a state doesn't have major rivers and needs to focus on cleaning the air instead? If federal laws are lax on improving air quality, then they can just slack off. It's better if it's personalized for each state.”

“But how would we be able to control states that want to divert funding to businesses instead of the environment? I am not a communist, you giant fucker.” Better than _little shit_ , evidently.

“The point of government is to find that balance,” Thomas says. 

Alexander feels like he’s talking about a little more than government. He shoves the feeling down. “But if a state is conservative, they’ll favor expanding businesses without regulation, and if they’re liberal, they’ll focus on the environment. It'll turn this into a green state versus black state issue.”

“Nice quote, you should get it on a t-shirt,” Thomas says, smiling slightly.

“Thank you.”

“One issue,” Thomas adds. “We know the conservative states aren't going to be okay with being called black states.”

Quite a roast, Mr. Jefferson. “Always have to find the fault with my ideas,” he says lightly.

“Someone’s got to save the world from you,” Thomas answers. James stops the recording, dropping his phone into his pocket. 

Alexander’s about to walk away, but he doesn’t want to leave this feeling behind. It’s euphoric.

Thomas holds out a hand before Alexander can turn away. “I think we can call a truce for lunch. We happen to have an empty seat at our table.”

Alexander smiles and sits down with James and Thomas. 

So now he’s here. He’s never sat with James and Thomas before, and he can’t help but feel out of place here. James and Thomas are soulmates, the dream team. Alexander’ just an idiot who’s somehow crushing on both of them at the same time, unsure of what to do about it.

Thomas has a concert soon. Nice. James invites Alexander to the concert. Oh.

A few things go through Alexander’s mind: The first is that if Thomas is as good at the violin as he is at everything else, then Alexander definitely wants to hear him play. Second: Would it be weird to go to the concert with James and nobody else? He’s never done something like that before. Third: He wants to go to the concert. He wants to spend time with James, and he wants to see Thomas play. It would be pretty damn awesome.

“Have to check with my parents,” Alexander says, and James shoots him a quick look. Alexander’s never told James the specifics with his parents, because it’s generally not good and he’d rather not talk about it. He has the Schuylers anyway, and he relies on them for now, so it’s not as much as a problem anymore. He just needs to make sure that he can leave the house at that time without them getting worried that he’s drug dealing or something. They’ve already had an incident.

Alexander was in the foster system, and after his last parent died- suicide. Absolutely wonderful for a growing teen- he ended up getting shipped here. Mostly because almost nobody would want a child that’s already fifteen and has a plethora of issues. Too much of a handful. His parents owed a favor to someone, and that favor was repaid by taking in Alexander. Go figure.

Not the best relationship, since they already expected Alexander to be a full-on dealer, and they had their own younger child to worry about. Alexander’s glad he has Angelica’s family on his side. It was a lot worse before this year. James knew him then. James is worried about him. Alexander smiles a little.

James even offers a ride.

Alexander’s pretty sure he can pull it off. 

“I think I can make it,” he says.

Alexander also tries to ignore Thomas’ eyes on his wrists, staring at the cursive that says _Alexander Hamilton._ Alexander moves his hands off the table, looking a bit awkward. Should he tell them? He almost just wants to bolt instead of having this conversation. He fidgets with the cuffs a little.

James takes Thomas’ hand, smiling. “Alex, can I hang out with you for study hall? Things are actually pretty boring without having this loser around.”

“You’re the loser… loser,” Thomas says. 

Alexander chuckles, smiling. 

“Well?” James asks.

“Sure,” Alexander answers.

He watches James and Thomas share a quick kiss, before Thomas runs off for Orchestra, leaving Alexander with James. 

“So, bleachers?” James asks.

Alexander nods, and they begin to walk over. The only people who know his hiding spot would be the Schuylers, James and Thomas, and some random freshman kid that spotted him during gym class. It was a good thing Alexander had all his makeup on, because Alexander looked absolutely terrifying, and the kid backed away slowly like Alexander was a bear, before running off. Good. Alexander enjoys having his own space where nobody can bother him.

It’s dusty, and confined, and dark. Vampire’s den type stuff. Alexander doesn’t let the dust settle though. It’s been his cave since the beginning of the year, and he likes hanging out in it.

James is allergic to dust, it seems. He sneezes as soon as he walks in. And then sneezes again. He pulled a handkerchief out of nowhere and dabs at his nose. “Interesting choice. It’s loud.”

That, too. Freshmen are loud and excited and downright annoying. Stray basketballs sometimes hit against the bleachers, and make the entire thing shake, a loud clattering noise surrounding them every time.

“It’s secluded,” Alexander says. “And there are no people. Thought you’d understand that part.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate people,” James says, chuckling. “I like people. I like interacting with them and finding out about them. I enjoy psychology. I just happen to be an introvert. Unlike you, it seems.”

“Unlike me?” Alexander asks. 

“Yes,” James says, and he looks up at Alexander with those eyes that seem to stare into his soul. “You’re dressed up specifically to scare people away, you’re constantly on your phone instead of worrying about the people around you, and you wear cuffs to hide the names of the people you’re supposed to be close to. You pushed me away when I got too close, you pushed Thomas away. I don’t hate people, Alexander. But I think you do.”

Normally, Alexander would get defensive almost immediately, but there’s something in James’ tone that stops him from doing that. 

“Apologies for being so direct,” James murmurs, shrugging. “But it’s true.”

“I suppose,” Alexander replies, looking down a little. He’s not sure how to sort out his own feelings on the subject. “I guess I don’t trust people.”

There’s silence for a few seconds, and James sneezes again. 

Alexander trusts James, though. James earned his trust, and he’s kept it for a long time. He was still there for Alexander even when Alexander faded out, and he’s still caring for Alexander now, even after all the shit they’ve been through. It means a lot to Alexander, and he doesn’t want to burn this bridge. Again.

He doesn’t say anything.

“Are you doing better?” James asks, looking Alexander over.

“I’m doing better,” Alexander says, smiling at James. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” James replies. He steps a little closer, smiling up at Alexander. “So has Thomas.”

“He’s made that clear,” Alexander says, chuckling. He softened a bit. “I’m glad you two get along so well.”

James smiles.

Alexander sort of hates it. It’s a smile that James gets whenever he’s with Thomas. It’s a smile that James gets when he’s talking about Thomas. It’s a smile that appears when Thomas is involved, and it’s not a smile for Alexander.

It seems like a small thing, but Alexander needs a smile like that for himself. He wants someone to give him that smile. He wants James to give him that smile.

That smile used to be his.

It used to be for meeting in the park, little hugs and bad kisses, for being outside alone with James on a sunny day. He used to have that smile, but he let it go.

“I’m sorry,” Alexander murmurs. “For what happened between us.”

“Don’t worry about it,” James says. “No reason we can’t be friends now.”

Yes, but Alexander doesn’t want to be just friends. It’s taken forever for him to admit that to himself. He let James fade away. He messed this entire thing up. It’s his fault, and he hates having to live with it. Some part of him wants to just lean in and connect their lips and be back at the grass in the park: inexperienced lips against each other in what tries to be a kiss, but is more like both of them imitating fishes while pressed next to each other.

Then again, he doesn’t think James is an inexperienced kisser anymore, judging by the sheer amount of times he and Thomas seem to lock lips. Alexander blushes at the thought, never really letting himself go that far within his own fantasies.

James seems to be calculating, staring up at him. Neither of them say anything. Was James thinking something similar? Alexander’s slightly hopeful, even though he hates the fact that he even thought about it.

James’ arms wrap around him a second later, pulling him close. Alexander smiles, hugging him back and relaxing into the embrace. James lets go a second later. “Come on, let’s work on some homework.”

They sit down.

James sneezes. 

Alexander pulls out his work, spreading out across the floor. He begins to work on something. James pulls out a book, shifting into a patch of light to read. It’s silent and peaceful between them, and Alexander keeps all his feelings to himself. He wants to go back to being able to tell James about what he feels.

**Alexander 1:18: I’m hanging out with James**

Peggy’s response is instant, as always. He loves her for it.

**Cool Sib 1:18: are you guys kissing**

**Cool Sib 1:19: cause then i don’t see why youre telling me**

**Alexander 1:19: I want to kiss him**

**Cool Sib 1:20: think about how cute he is. thatll help**

Alexander looks over at James again, remembering how cute James is. The light falls around him perfectly, and his eyebrows are knit together in concentration as he reads. Of course Peggy’s teasing him about this.

**Alexander 1:21: I will fight your aro ass**

**Alexander 1:22: You’re a writer, you can at least try to use proper grammar**

**Cool Sib 1:22: too cool for grammar**

**Cool Sib 1:22: and for romance**

**Alexander 1:23: You suck.**

**Cool Sib 1:23: oh, but you want to succ**

**Alexander 1:23: P E G G Y**

**Cool Sib 1:24: but seriously dude just tell him that you care about him,, saying you love him or want to kiss him might be too much**

**Cool Sib 1:24: might help you stop regretting what you did**

Alexander sighs. **Thanks.** “Hey James?”

“Yeah?” James asks, looking up from his book.

“I care about you,” Alexander murmurs. 

“I care about you too,” James replies, smiling. 

Alexander nods and goes back to his work. James goes back to his book. The silence is somehow more comfortable now. Alexander smiles.

They go their separate ways after their free period, hugging for a little bit longer this time before doing so. James has math, and Alexander has Speech and Debate, one of his favorite classes. The added bonus of Speech and Debate is that Alexander has Angelica in his class and he can talk to her about this stuff. 

He sits down in his usual seat next to her.

“How’d it go?” Angelica asks, smiling.

“Really fucking well,” Alexander answers.

She kisses his temple, like the great older sister she is. “I’m glad.”

Alexander grins, and they have fun roasting people for the rest of the class. 

“Apparently Peggy skipped class with another freshman,” Angelica murmurs.

“Oh?” Alexander asks, a hint of a smile on his face.

“Oh yeah,” Angelica says. “And then they kissed.”

Alexander raises his eyebrows. “What.”

“Mhm,” Angelica replies. “They’re a good friend.”

“Isn’t she aro?” Alexander asks, writing something down so it looks like he’s doing work and not gossiping. 

“She is,” Angelica says, smiling. “But it’s friendship to her, not romantic.”

Alexander nods. “As long as she’s happy and I don’t have to bash some freshman kid’s head in.”

“I’ll be going first if we need to bash someone’s head in,” Angelica says. “Be sure to ask her about it, she loves spilling.”

“I’ll be sure to do so,” Alexander hums.

**Alexander 2:31: Oh wow Pegs you forgot to tell me you were getting some.**

**Cool Sib 2:31: whos grammar sucks now**

**Alexander 2:32: Yours is still much worse**

**Alexander 2:32: Give me a name.**

**Cool Sib 2:33: Lafayette**

**Alexander 2:33: And you capitalize that. Got it.**

**Cool Sib 2:34: fuck off lexi**

Alexander chuckles, hiding his phone again before the teacher chews him out again. 

One last class before the end of the day. It’s chemistry. Alexander usually hates it, but there’s tons of anticipation in his stomach as he walks into the classroom and sits in his usual seat, his leg tapping excitedly. He manages to get through class by writing a story on the margin of his paper, most of the words illegible and bumping into each other. 

He doesn’t care much, though. The bell finally rings, and he stands up and walks into the hallway, people milling about around him. He looks for Thomas’ head and runs over as he sees the cloud of hair. 

Alexander pokes Thomas’ shoulder and Thomas turns to face him, grinning. He pulls Alexander away from the chaos in the hallway, hanging out in one of the gaps between the sets of lockers. James joins them a second later. It’s probably their usual meeting place or something. Thomas’ hand grabs onto James’, and he pulls James in for a quick kiss. 

Alexander looks away. 

James pulls back a second later, just resting against Thomas as the crowd in the hallway thins, and it’s just the three of them left. 

(Them, and the shady drug dealer kid from Thomas’ math class. Not that Alexander realizes this.)

Alexander smiles at the two of them. “So, what do you guys usually do?” he asks.

“Talk, usually,” Thomas says. 

Alexander nods. “Cool.”

“Come on, let’s break into the orchestra pit,” James says, starting off. Thomas grins and follows him, gesturing for Alexander to follow. Alexander stays close to the group. Do they usually break into the orchestra pit?

James seems to know what he’s doing though, leading the way with ease, walking through the bottom of the stage and pulling out two paper clips, making quick work of the lock. He opened the room up. It was dark, and it was small. It’d be another nice place to spend study hall, since it didn’t seem nearly as dusty. Thomas flicked the lights on, sitting down in one of the seats. “Welcome to fight club. The first rule of fight club is you don’t talk about fight club. The second rule of fight club is that you do not talk about fight club. I’m going to skip the rest,” he says, looking up at Alexander. “Eighth and final rule: If this is your first time at fight club, you have to fight.”

“What?” Alexander asks, suddenly unsure of himself.

James snorts. “Thomas is being a drama queen.” He sits down next to Thomas, and Thomas leans against him. James looks up at Alexander. “Join us.”

Alexander sits on the other side of James, smiling a little. He’s not sure if he should do anything else, but he feels James’ arm reach out and pull him in, and he’s leaning on James too. He smiles. He likes the position. 

Thomas pulls out his phone. “So, there’s this one youtube video that I found-”

“Thomas, if you Rick Roll me again, I swear-”

“Hey, Alexander didn’t know!” Thomas protests.

Alexander laughs. 

This is what he wants. Okay, maybe he wants a little more. But for now, he’s happy. He just wants this to work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be trying to update once a month from now on; I was slightly late with this one. Hope you don't mind!


	7. They’re starting to work shit out. Good for them!

James’ eyes were on the book in his lap, but he certainly wasn’t reading the words on the page. They all seemed to blend into each other uselessly, anyway, letting his mind just drift off. He’s thinking about Alexander. There’s really nothing else he can think of. Alexander is typing furiously on his phone, his fingers darting across the device. 

It’s kind of cute.

James looks back down at his book.

He supposes it says something about Alexander if he just holes up under the bleachers during some of the only freetime they get during the day. It’s also dusty.

James sneezes again.

Alexander doesn’t seem to notice, too focused on his phone. James wonders who Alexander is texting. James then wonders if he’s jealous about who Alexander is texting. James wonders a lot, actually. He wonders and he can’t read, because his brain is in a different world.

James doesn’t usually float off into daydreams like this. He’s usually the most connected to his surroundings, knows when something is going to happen before it does. Right now, though, he’s in his own world. The real world is too loud and confusing. He can think here for a little bit.

Alexander is doing better. That’s a good thing. James likes the fact that Alexander is doing better, but some part of him wonders if he could’ve helped Alexander get better faster if he hadn’t just floated out of Alexander’s life like a terrible friend. He feels like apologizing, but he owed this apology forever ago. He can’t give it now and expect everything to go back to the way it was.

That’s another thing. It’s stupid how much he wants things to go back to the way they were. If anyone were to ask him, James would be able to honestly say that his life was great. He had amazing parents, a wonderful boyfriend, and just about everything going for him. Everything but Alexander, it seemed.

James wonders what he actually wants. Alexander is becoming his friend again, that much is obvious, but he wants their days in the meadows to come back again.

Now he’s really daydreaming. 

James revels in the expected. He wants to know what’s coming next. Just this once, he seems to have no idea. It leaves him disoriented.

“Hey James?” Alexander asks, randomly.

James looks up from the book that’s reading. “Yeah?”

“I care about you,” Alexander murmurs.

Well, that was unexpected. James smiles. “I care about you too.”

Alexander turns back to his homework. James looks back down at his book, a warm feeling surrounding him. He shifts slightly closer to Alexander. Alexander doesn’t seem to notice. James relaxes and reads for the rest of study hall, trying his best to ignore the dust surrounding them and the constant itch in his nose.

James has math next. He likes math. It’s rigid, accepted. When there’s a creative solution in math, it follows set rules. While Thomas is good with science, James is good at math, and it makes them perfect homework buddies, in James’ eyes. Plus, Thomas’ math class is crap and James is happy to help with whatever lesson the math teacher didn’t teach.

After math, it’s chem, and James works on calculating the theoretical yield of a bunch of reactions. James likes this part of chemistry, too. It’s just math in the real world.

He’s pretty sure he has no use for this except when he’s baking, but he doesn’t mind. It’s rigid, there are steps to follow, and finishing a problem gives him a feeling of accomplishment. The bell finally rings for the last time that day, and he walks out into the hallway, heading for their spot in between the lockers, where there weren’t people. He sees Alexander already there. James takes Thomas’ hand, giving him a quick kiss. 

He notices Alexander looking away, and he breaks the kiss a little earlier than normal. Some spark in him wonders if Alexander is jealous. Of course, he stuffs that down. It’s probably just the PDA. He ends up resting on Thomas instead, smiling.

“So, what do you guys usually do?” Alexander asks.

“Talk, usually,” Thomas said. 

Sometimes, they did weird shit. Other times, they just talked.

“Come on, let’s break into the orchestra pit,” James says, beginning to walk in the direction of the stage. 

He can see Thomas gesturing to Alexander from the corner of his eye. Alexander walks next to Thomas, letting James lead the way. 

James’ mind goes back to Alexander looking away. He doesn’t know why he’s so caught up on it, but now he’s wondering whether Alexander was jealous again. Not only that, he’s now wondering whether Alexander was jealous of Thomas or James.

Alexander never shows anyone his wrists. James wants to know what’s on there. James knows one of the people in this group is an anomaly, even if he’s not exactly sure who. Someone’s enemies and soulmates are messed up. 

He’s heard reports of people born with multiple names on the same wrist. He knows that not all soulmates are romantic: there are people with adoptive parents as soulmates, or brothers and sisters as soulmates. There are people with no names on their wrist. They’re often misfits and outcasts. Maybe he just needs to do some research. 

No, that’s stupid. Alexander would’ve done a lot of research already. James had no idea how to approach the topic. 

Alexander and Thomas seem to be getting along, at least. 

Thomas flicks on the lights and starts reciting the fight club speech. James finds it cute. He plops down next to Thomas happily, and Thomas leans onto him, humming to himself softly. James looks over at Alexander, smiling. “Join us.”

Alexander sits next to James, but James doesn’t think that’s close enough. In a move that is very uncharacteristic for James, he reaches out and pulls Alexander against him as well. Alexander relaxes onto him a little. James can see his smile. It’s like the old days. He misses how they used to rest on each other. 

Thomas sets up a Rick Roll. James ruins it for him. Alexander laughs. 

They all work so well together. James hates the entire fucking soulmate system. It was supposed to show him what was expected. It was supposed to help him. It wasn’t supposed to fuck with his relationships. 

They end up just watching YouTube the entire time. James keeps pulling Alexander closer until Alexander is pressed up against him like Thomas is. 

“I have the most fabulous meme to show you guys!” Thomas says excitedly. 

James laughs, rolling his eyes. 

Meeting in the orchestra pit isn’t a usual thing they do. Usually it’s mostly wandering around. The orchestra pit is nice, though. James loves it. Dark and scary. His vibe. 

They have fun, and they all agree to meet later and do the same thing. For tomorrow, though, they’ll all be at the debate meeting. 

Thomas gives James and Alexander a ride home. The entire car ride is filled with someone mentioning something from a YouTube video or a Vine, and everyone bursting into laughter for a full minute. It’s happiness. 

James loves this. He hasn’t been surrounded by this much happy in forever. Alexander makes Thomas happy. Alexander also makes James happy. If Alexander were a puppy, they would’ve adopted him by now. 

Of course, Alexander isn’t a puppy. He’s their archenemy. Wonderful. 

Alexander gets dropped off first, and the laughter in the car dies down a little bit as James and Thomas catch their breaths. Thomas begins to drive them back to James’ place. 

It’s mostly a comfortable silence, until Thomas breaks it. “Hey, James?”

“Yeah?” James asks. 

“Do you like Alexander?”

James hums softly. He does _like_ Alexander, and there are no rules against just _liking_ Alexander. Except for the entire enemy thing that James has no problem ignoring. “Yes. Don’t you?”

Thomas nods. “I do.”

Neither of them say anything else on the subject. For now, at least.

Thomas stops at James’ house. 

James smiles. “Call me if you need anything.” Thomas knows the drill, but James has no problem reminding him. 

Thomas nods. “Give me a few more kisses.”

James does, making each one as loving as possible. “Two more years,” he says gently. “Almost only one.”

Thomas nods softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Stay safe for me?”

“Yes, Jemmy,” Thomas said, smiling. “You’re the best.”

“I beg to differ,” James said. “You’re better.”

“Lies. Shut up and go home already. Don’t know why I keep your ass around,” Thomas jokes. 

James kisses his cheek a final time. “Yes, captain. I’ll see you soon.”

Thomas nods again. James gets out of the car. He doesn’t know what else he can do for Thomas. He waves as Thomas pulls out and drives away. 

James smiles as he walks back into his house, giving both his mom and dad a hug, proceeding to tell them about Alexander hanging out with Thomas and himself. 

James loves dinner with his parents. He loves cooking it, and he honestly doesn’t mind setting and cleaning up the table. It’s fun, and he gets to spend time with his family. He supposes it’s completely different for Thomas and Alexander, which sucks. 

Not that James has figured out Alexander’s family situation yet. James doesn’t want to snoop. Alexander would tell him whenever he’s ready. Another lesson learned from his parents. 

After dinner, he works on homework and eventually heads to bed, sending a quick goodnight text to Thomas. He gets a call in return. He picks it up. “Tommy?”

“I’m having a bad night,” Thomas says softly.

“Do you want me to come over?” James asks. 

“No,” Thomas murmurs. “I just don’t feel well. Can you just listen to me?”

“Yes.” James is always there if Thomas needs someone to just listen. 

Thomas is silent for a little bit. James lets out a quiet hum to let him know he’s still there. Thomas eventually speaks. “I’m scared.”

James is lying down on the bed, his phone in his hand. He waits for more clarification. Thomas stays silent. James hums again. “Why are you scared?”

“It’s about you,” Thomas murmurs. “Are you going to leave me?”

“I’m not going to leave you,” James replies. Sometimes Thomas needs a reminder. “Promise.” 

There’s silence again for a second. “Do you like Alexander better than me?”

“Is that why you’re scared?” James asks. 

“Yes.”

James is silent for a second. “I would never lie to you. I love you, Tommy. I’m happy with you.”

“But you’d be happier with Alexander,” Thomas mutters. 

“Babe, are you sure you don’t want me to head over? My mom wouldn’t have a problem driving me, we can cuddle for a bit.”

It was silent again. “No, I don’t want my parents finding out,” he whispers. 

“Okay,” James murmurs. “How about sneaking you out and leaving a note that you’re going to school e-”

“No,” Thomas says. “Just listen.”

James hums again to show that he is. 

“If you left me for Alexander, I wouldn’t mind. You two are probably better together anyway. I just want you to be as happy as possible,” Thomas murmurs. 

“Can I speak?” James asks politely. Thomas is scared of people not listening. He wants to make sure Thomas says what he wants to. 

“Give me a second,” Thomas murmurs. “I think Alexander is your soulmate and I’m your enemy because Alexander is my soulmate too. You can talk now.”

James tries not to get hurt about the fact that Thomas has slid out of thinking that James is his soulmate. “And if I’m your soulmate and Alexander is both of our enemies for hurting this relationship, even if it’s unintentional?”

There’s silence for another second. “We’d have to look at his wrists. Figure out which one of us is on there.”

James sighs. “We’re not doing that by force.”

“Of course not,” Thomas murmurs. “I wish this was less complicated.”

“Believe me, I do too,” James says. “I love you, Tommy, don’t doubt that.”

“But you love Alexander too.”

“I- yes.”

There’s silence again. James thinks about it for a second. “But if you thought that Alexander was your soulmate, it means-”

“I love him too,” Thomas murmurs. “And I love you.”

James listens to Thomas’ breathing for a little bit. He doesn’t want to make this phone call stretch too long. Doesn’t want to hike up the phone bill. “Hey, do you have FaceTime?”

“Yeah,” Thomas murmurs. 

“Let’s start a FaceTime call and just listen to each other while we fall asleep. Would that help?” James asks. 

“It would,” Thomas says. “I love you.”

“I’ll cut this call and call you over FaceTime,” James says. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

James cuts the call and calls Thomas again over FaceTime a second later. Thomas picks up. 

“Good night, Tommy,” James hums. 

“Good night, Jam,” Thomas replies. 

They listen to each other for a little bit until they’re both eventually asleep. 

James wakes up the next morning and sees that the call is cut. Thomas’ phone probably ran out of battery. He sends a quick good morning text before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day. 

School goes pretty normally. Thomas sits with James at lunch and they hug for a little bit. Alexander is sitting with his friends again. 

James considers asking Thomas to skip orchestra so they can hang out under the bleachers with Alexander. Thomas just reminds him about the upcoming concert and kisses him before running to class. 

James wants to go hang out with Alexander, but he doesn’t want to raise Thomas’ doubts until they talk about it. He ends up sneaking into the theater to listen to some of the music and work on some homework peacefully. 

He heads out right before the orchestra is dismissed. Math, and then science, and he could meet Alexander and Thomas for debate. 

Both of the classes go well, and he tucks himself between the lockers, waiting for Thomas. Thomas is pulling Alexander with him. They hang out for a second, waiting for the hallway to clear. No kisses are shared. 

Thomas only seems to be looking down. 

Luckily, James is tiny. He leans forward into Thomas’ line of sight. “Hey,” he hums softly. 

Thomas smiles a little. “Hey.”

It’s silent for a second. 

“Thanks for yesterday night,” Thomas says.

“Of course. Anytime,” James replies, leaning up and kissing Thomas’ cheek. 

“What’s really cute is the fact that you have to stand on your tippy toes to kiss him even when he’s slouching,” Alexander says, smiling at the two of them. 

“I’m adorable,” James says, grinning. He looks up at Thomas, squeezing his hand to reassure him a little. 

“Both of you are,” Alexander says, rolling his eyes. 

Thomas looks down at James. _Is he flirting with us?_

James shrugs softly. _Hell if I know._

“Come on guys. Debate time!” Alexander skips off excitedly towards the debate room.

James grins at Alexander’s enthusiasm. Thomas leans close to James’ ear. “When you said you loved him,” he whispers. “In what way did you mean that?”

James looks up at Thomas. “We can’t have this talk now.”

“James, he looks cute,” Thomas whispers. “And I know you’re in love with him.”

James rolls his eyes, kissing Thomas again. “Don’t talk nonsense.”

“James. What if you can love more than one person at a time?” Thomas asks softly. 

“My parents,” James says easily. 

“No. Romantically,” Thomas answers. “Please. It’s hard for me to talk about this. I keep doubting myself.”

James gives Thomas’ hand another squeeze. He knows it’s hard for Thomas.

But Thomas had also said he loves Alexander. Is that what Thomas is trying to address? Does Thomas like Alexander romantically?

“Do you want to talk with Alexander about this after debate?” 

“No, I want to talk this out with you first,” Thomas murmurs. 

“Okay. After debate, alright?” James asks softly. 

Thomas nods. James knows he hates waiting, but they have a meeting to get to. 

James, Alexander and Thomas all sit together at the corner of the room. James sits at the very corner of the table, Alexander in front of him and Thomas to his left. He holds Thomas’ hand underneath the table. 

The debate teacher- Mr. Adams- heads up to the front and clears his throat. He’s a plump man with a friendly face. The quiet murmurs of conversation stop, and the roomful of high schoolers all look at him. 

“I know for our debate competition every year, we try to keep it within the school,” he says, picking up a stack of paper and beginning to pass the flyers out. “But this time, I wanted to make it interschool.”

There’s a murmur throughout the students. 

“Virginia holds a debate competition in the state house,” he says. “Tons of schools go, and it’s a good opportunity for all of you. Unlike a traditional debate competition, you won’t be debating on an assigned topic. You each will be crafting your own bills and attempting to pass them in a simulated government setting. You will be the government officials, and kids from other schools will be the government officials. It’s basically the Virginia government, but made out of kids.”

It was obvious to see the excitement in Mr. Adams’ face by now. 

“You’ll be sitting in the same chairs that lit governors do, and you’ll be passing laws the way they do. It’s going to be awesome.”

Mr. Adams had walked over to James at this point, and he set three packets on their table. James, Alexander, and Thomas each took one. 

“I’m passing out instructions on how to craft a bill. We’ll be learning the standard form for debate and motioning bills over the next few weeks. The script is also included in the packet. While we’re learning, I want you to think about your bills. They’re due before spring break.”

“Any questions?”

A few people ask questions for the next few minutes. 

“If we get the most bills passed, we can move onto the national competition in D.C.” he says, smiling. “And we’ll be able to see the sights and stay there for a weekend and maybe meet the President!”

Thomas and Alexander both look up and roll their eyes at each other, probably cursing out the president. 

James smiles. 

Thomas finishes reading first, sticking his tongue out at Alexander. 

Alexander chuckles and rolls his eyes. “You’re the worst,” he teases. 

“Not at speedreading, it seems,” Thomas hums. 

Alexander’s wearing the cuffs with the Declaration of Independence on it today. He finishes up the packet. “This seems awesome.”

“It really does,” Thomas answers. “Any idea what your bill’s going to be?”

“Better than yours, that’s for sure,” Alexander says. 

Thomas laughs. “You wish.”

They’re already arguing ideas and trying to come up with something. James smiles. It’s sort of endearing how much fun they’re having with this. 

He pulls out a pencil and a notebook, beginning to jot down ideas. 

Mr. Adams has already started to explain how to construct a bill, explaining differences in committees within the Senate and the House.

Thomas and Alexander are both furiously writing, probably to fill up a page with ideas first. Alexander wins this time, sticking his tongue right back out at Thomas. 

“You guys are impossible,” James says, chuckling. 

“You love us,” Thomas teases. 

“I do,” James hums. 

He can see Alexander beaming from the corner of his eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote half of this after I tripped on the stairs and didn’t feel like getting up.


	8. Oh, Thomas.

Thomas hates having to call James at night. It makes him more aware of the fact that he can’t take care of himself. There’s self-hatred in his gut every time he presses the call button. James usually does a good job fixing that, so Thomas keeps calling him. 

Thomas used to reassure himself by saying that this is what soulmates are for. Scared calls in the night, just relaxing together and being able to hear each other for a bit. It seems to make everything better. 

He can’t stop staring at the artificial light of the phone though. Just breathing. 

He gets a text from James. 

**James 10:29: Good night, love.**

Now or never. He takes a deep breath and hits the call button. James’ voice comes from the other side almost immediately. “Tommy?”

“I’m having a bad night,” Thomas whispers. 

And he has: his parents weren’t the best today, and he’s more fidgety than normal, just pulling at his curls a lot. He’s just been thinking about James and Alexander and love so much. 

He knows this now: he knows that he loves both of them. If being gay wasn’t already a sin, that definitely was. Some form of adultery or something it just made him feel worse. 

“Do you want me to come over?” James asks. 

Thomas wants that. He can’t have that, though. “No,” he replies. “I just don’t feel well.” That’s true too: his stomach hurts and moving hurts and everything just feels like… shit. He sighs softly. “Can you just listen to me?”

They’re both listeners. James is a better listener than Thomas. “Yes.”

Thomas goes silent. He doesn’t know how to speak about this. What is supposed to say that isn’t basically _I want to cheat on you with Alexander_? Or even _I’m afraid of you cheating on me with Alexander._

James lets out a soft hum. 

Thomas remembers what James told him once: he can’t get mad at feelings. Feelings are valid. Feelings aren’t Thomas’ fault. Start there. “I’m scared.”

James doesn’t say anything. Thomas knows he’s waiting for more. Thomas can’t say anything else. James lets out another hum. A quick warning that he’s about to talk so Thomas can add something else in if he wants. Thomas doesn’t. 

“Why are you scared?” James asks. His voice is soft and soothing.

Thomas relaxed a little more. Sometimes he feels like he’s using James, taking advantage of his ability to talk and feel and soothe. He seems to know exactly what Thomas needs. Thomas loves him. 

Thomas can’t incriminate himself. Not yet. Maybe tomorrow, in person. He goes for his other fear. 

“It’s about you,” Thomas murmurs. He hates himself for saying it. He knows the answer. Why can’t he get it through his head? “Are you going to leave me?”

“I’m not going to leave you,” James soothes. “Promise.”

James had said he liked Alexander. “Do you like Alexander better than me?”

“Is that why you’re scared?”

 _Not all of it._ “Yes.”

“I would never lie to you. I love you, Tommy. I’m happy with you.”

“But you’d be happier with Alexander,” Thomas murmurs. There’s his brain again, ruining things. He can’t be the one who has James as a soulmate. James is too… perfect for him. He wishes he had James here with him. 

“Babe, are you sure you don’t want me to head over? My mom wouldn’t have a problem driving me, we can cuddle for a bit,” James offers, as if he can read Thomas’ mind. 

Thomas is holding back tears. He didn’t know when they showed up. He muted the call and sniffled for a second, unmuting it again. “No, I don’t want my parents finding out.”

“Okay,” James murmurs. “How about sneaking you out and leaving a note that you’re going to school e-”

“No,” Thomas says. “Just listen.”

James gives him the listening hum again. James is too perfect. Too wonderful. Thomas isn’t enough for him. 

“If you left me for Alexander, I wouldn’t mind. You two are probably better together anyway. I just want you to be as happy as possible.” Thomas has to keep his voice low to keep it from cracking and letting James know about the tears. 

“Can I speak?” James asks. 

Thomas almost wants to yell at him for being so considerate. “Give me a second,” Thomas says instead, outlining his idea of why he and James aren’t supposed to be together. James once asked Thomas who he thought was actually his soulmate, if he didn’t think it was someone who’d treat him right. James has amazing logic. Thomas doesn’t. “I think Alexander is your soulmate and I’m your enemy because Alexander is my soulmate too.” He takes a deep breath. “You can talk now.”

“And if I’m your soulmate and Alexander is both of our enemies for hurting this relationship, even if it’s unintentional?” James asks. His voice is a little softer now. 

Thomas is silent again. He knows how to sort this out. “We’d have to look at his wrists. Figure out which one of us is on there.”

“We’re not doing that by force.”

“Of course not,” Thomas murmurs. Losing Alexander again would hurt. “I wish this was less complicated.”

“Believe me, I do too,” James says. “I love you, Tommy, don’t doubt that.”

“But you love Alexander too.” Thomas is sure of it at his point. 

James hesitates. “Yes.”

There’s silence again. “But if you thought that Alexander was your soulmate, it means-”

“I love him too,” Thomas murmurs. “And I love you.”

Thomas waits for yelling to start. He’s just let go of what he thought he wouldn’t at the beginning of the call. Still, James admitted the same thing, right? It wasn’t too bad. 

Thomas just waits for James to say something. 

“Hey, do you have FaceTime?”

Thomas lets out a sigh of relief. “Yeah.”

“Let’s start a FaceTime call and just listen to each other while we fall asleep. Would that help?” James asks. It’s the perfect idea.

“It would,” Thomas says, smiling softly. “I love you.”

“I’ll cut this call and call you over FaceTime,” James says. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

They listen to each other the entire night.

The morning comes too fast. Thomas wakes up, and his phone is dead. He wakes up early, though. He connects it to power so it can charge before he heads to school. 

He brushes his teeth, takes a quick shower. He comes back and checks his phone. There’s a good morning text from James from a minute ago, and there’s a few messages from Alexander at two in the morning, asking if Thomas wants to debate. 

Thomas chuckles. 

**Thomas 6:45: I was just resting so I can properly wipe the floor with you in debate today.**

**Alexander 6:47: Fight me.**

Thomas chuckled and sets the phone down, picking out some clothes. He has a plan. Well, less of a plan than a to-do list. Thomas loves his lists and schedules. 

The most of the day would be observation, so he can make a good decision on how to approach James about Alexander. It’s not completely resolved, and he hates bringing up the issue over and over again. He hopes James doesn’t find him annoying at this point. 

And if Thomas decides he wants to move forward with his plan after the observation stage, he will. He’s decided that he wants to talk to James about inviting Alexander into their relationship. Or at least talking about it. 

It’d make them all happy, right? Thomas was a libertarian for a reason. It wouldn’t hurt anyone if the three of them were together. Especially since the soulmate system seemed to set them up that way. 

Thomas takes a breath. There are people who would hate him for thinking like this. Probably would call him a whore. It’s something that’s keeping him from just going for it. Then again, he wants to make James happy. He wants to make Alexander happy. There’s a chance this will do just that, which is why he’s trying. 

Of course, the window he’s given himself to talk to James is short. It’s the window between chemistry and debate. That’s usually when he catches James alone. 

He drives to school as usual, and the day begins.

Observations

  * I’m pretty sure I just saw James looking at Alexander’s butt.
  * Is Alexander looking at Angelica’s lips?
  * James keeps glancing over at Alexander
  * Alexander didn’t sit with us today
  * Alexander seems happy with his friends



Turns out he didn’t see James and Alexander together nearly enough for a good list of observations. He groans. It’s chemistry, and instead of listening to the teacher, he just keeps rereading the tiny list and running his head through the past few days to figure out if the answer was already given to him somewhere.

Then again, talking things out with James always helps. He wishes he could do that right now. 

Well, guess he was talking to James either way. Screw the list. 

Chemistry takes forever. He finally bursts into the hallway when the bell rings. He needs to talk to James.

He runs directly into Alexander. 

Well, there goes talking to James alone. Thomas smiles and Alexander grins back. “Too scared to debate me now, huh?”

Thomas scoffs. “You wish.” He pulls Alexander over to their nook between the rows of lockers. 

He looks at James for a second, but looks down. He can’t even bring this up. He doesn’t kiss James this time. He knew Alexander didn’t look very comfortable last time. 

James leans into his line of sight anyway. “Hey,” he says, smiling. 

Thomas smiles a bit too. “Thanks for yesterday night.”

Sounded a bit too much like sex there, Tommy. Good job. Thomas doesn’t risk a glance at Alexander. 

“Of course. Anytime,” James replies, leaning up to kiss Thomas’ cheek.

“What’s really cute is the fact that you have to stand on your tippy toes to kiss him even when he’s slouching,” Alexander says. He’s leaning against the lockers, and one of the edges of his lips is curled up more than the other in some sort of satisfied smile.

  * Alexander thinks James is cute.



“I’m adorable,” James says, chuckling softly and grinning. He looks back to Thomas, squeezing his hand. Thomas smiles too. They’re in this together.

“Both of you are,” Alexander says, rolling his eyes as if this is obvious.

  * ~~HOLY FUCKING SHIT I THINK ALEXANDER WAS FLIRTING WITH US~~
  * Alexander thinks James is adorable. He also thinks I’m adorable.



Thomas and James exchange glances. 

“Come on guys, debate time!” Alexander says, skipping off.

  * James smiles at Alexander’s skipping. He likes happy Alexander.



Now or never. Thomas leaned into James’ ear. “When you said you loved him, in what way did you mean that?”

James stiffens a bit. He looks up at Thomas. “We can’t have this talk now.”

Thomas looks back at Alexander skipping. “James, he looks cute, and I know you’re in love with him.”

James rolls his eyes. Of course saying Alexander was cute was a bad thing to do. Stupid Thomas. James kisses Thomas softly. “Don’t talk nonsense.”

“James,” Thomas says, unsure of how exactly to say this. His leg is bouncing and Thomas wants to fidget with his hair. He knows he needs to do it now before it’s too late and he won’t be able to form the words. “What if you can love more than one person at a time?” 

“My parents.”

“No. Romantically,” Thomas answers, trying not to let the frustration deep into his voice. “Please. It’s hard for me to talk about this. I keep doubting myself.”

James squeezes his hand. “Do you want to talk with Alexander after debate?”

“No, I want to talk this out with you, first,” Thomas answers. He doesn’t want to accidentally mess something up in front of both of them. 

“Okay. After debate, alright?” 

Thomas hates waiting. He nods anyway, and they set off after Alexander. Debate goes pretty well. Thomas speeds through the entire thing, just thinking about Alexander and James and everything else. He barely pays attention to Mr. Adams as he talks about subcommittees. This is already covered in his government and politics class anyway. 

Brainstorming is fun. Thomas likes brainstorming. Finally taking the ideas in his head and committing them to paper. It’s perfect. 

Sadly, Alexander still wins. He sticks his tongue out at Thomas. 

“You guys are impossible,” James says, chuckling.

“You love us,” Thomas teases.

“I do,” James hums.

Thomas is looking at Alexander as he says this, and Alexander’s smile at the words is giant. There’s no mistaking his happiness. This would all go so well if only-

“What’s under your cuffs?” Thomas blurts. 

James glares at Thomas. He shrinks back. Alexander’s grin is gone. He’s silent. 

James is the first to speak. “Alexander, you don’t have to-”

“I know,” Alexander murmurs, looking back down at his paper and going back to work. 

“You know, I love you no matter who you have under there,” Thomas says softly. 

Alexander pauses. “Love me?”

Thomas nods a bit. “I love you.”

Alexander starts shoving his stuff into his bag. It’s just brainstorming from now on. He can leave if he wants. “I need to think a little bit.”

Thomas nods. He isn’t going to trap Alexander here. He lets Alexander leave, looking over at James nervously. James takes Thomas’ hand, giving it a soft squeeze before kissing it. “It’s okay.”

Thomas nods softly. 

“Hey, how about we talk about what you wanted to talk about?” James asks. 

Thomas shakes his head. “I think I’m going to head home. Do you need a ride?”

James shakes his head too. Usually, Thomas drives him. Thomas doesn’t want to push. He doesn’t say anything. He packs up all the packets and sheets of paper, leaning in and kissing James’ cheek before leaving too. 

Part of him is angry with himself for bringing it up, but the other half is glad he did. It feels like a weight lifted off his chest. Clearly, it didn’t feel that way for Alexander. He sighed.

**Thomas 3:45: I’m sorry.**

Thomas looks it over, even though it’s just two words. He decides to add another text. Just a conversation starter if Alexander needs one.

**Thomas 3:46: Do you need me to get you a ticket to the concert?**

It takes a few minutes, but Alexander answers.

**Alexander 3:48: i’ll get one myself**

**Alexander 3:49: uh wanna hang out? u weren’t at debate when i got back**

**Alexander 3:49: james is up for it**

Thomas grins. 

**James to Alexander and Thomas 3:50: You guys are idiots. I made a group chat.**

**Alexander 3:50: i’m standing right next to you.**

**Thomas 3:51: I’m not**

**James 3:51: ^**

**Alexander 3:52: you guys are the worst**

**Thomas 3:52: Use y’all, it’s faster.**

**Alexander 3:52: says the person putting commas in texts**

**James 3:53: Do y’all want ice cream?**

**Alexander 3:53: u betrayed me**

**Alexander 3:53: using yall when you’re right next to me.**

**Thomas 3:54: Alexander, why the fuck did you put an apostrophe in you’re, but not in y’all?**

**James 3:54: I mentioned ice cream and neither of you cared. Thomas, I’m breaking up with you.**

**Thomas 3:54: JAMES**

**Alexander 3:55: forget the ice cream**

**Thomas 3:55: IT’S LITERALLY THIRTY DEGREES OUT.**

**Alexander 3:55: i want popcorn**

**Thomas 3:56: Actually, popcorn sounds good.**

**Alexander 3:56: i’d be surprised you’re agreeing with me, but you’re probably one of those fuckers that puts cheese in your popcorn.**

**James 3:56: I need to get paid for dealing with you too**

**James 3:56: Do y’all want to meet at my house for snacks?**

Thomas grins. That’s definitely something he wants to do. 

**Thomas 3:57: I’ll be right there.**

**James 3:57: Think you can pick Alexander and I up?**

**Thomas 3:57: I’m still at school. Come to the parking lot.**

**James 3:57: Alright.**

Thomas hums, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel of the car. James comes after a minute, slipping into the backseat like he never does. Alexander is glaring at him as he gets into the passenger seat.

James shrugs innocently. Everyone’s silent as Thomas starts the car. James taps Alexander’s shoulder, giving him a look.

Alexander rolls his eyes. “Hey, Thomas.”

“Hey? Is this an intervention or something?”

“Nope,” Alexander says. “Your boyfriend wants me to tell you that I love you too. As does my family.”

“Ah,” Thomas says. This is really awkward. He’s starting to understand how Alexander felt. “Um, your family?”

“The Schuylers. And this one freshman who’s invaded our group chat,” Alexander answers. “So, my friends, technically.”

Thomas chuckles. “I think you guys count as family. Don’t you live with them?”

“No,” Alexander answers.

Thomas nods. He realizes he knows absolutely nothing about Alexander’s family situation. James and Alexander are having another conversation through glances. Thomas starts to drive home. 

“Seatbelt,” James reminds Alexander. 

Alexander slips on his seatbelt, and proceeds to reach for the radio. Thomas swats his hand away. “You probably like shitty music.

“Like what?” Alexander asks.

“Country,” Thomas mutters.

Alexander laughs. “I assumed you liked country. No, I hate country.”

“Good,” Thomas says.

Alexander reaches for the radio again, spinning the dial until it lands on an 80s rock station. Thomas smiles. He actually likes this music. He knows James does too. It’s a pretty calming car ride, no debate for once. 

He lets his mind wander. Maybe Alexander would want to come for a movie sometime. Maybe stay the night at James’. That would be fun. For some reason, Thomas feels like dragging Alexander along on his dates with James. There is so much he wants, but only now does he really think about how stupid he is for wanting it.

It had taken Thomas a while to come to terms with the fact that he had a male soulmate. It had taken even longer for Thomas to come to terms with the fact that he was gay. Liking two people is an entire other mountain to climb. Maybe that’s why Alexander is his enemy.

He tries not to think about it, and keeps driving. He’ll figure this out later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this done for two weeks,,, and just haven't posted it like a horrible person  
> also could they stop procrastinating on falling in love??


	9. When Stuff Starts Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love having different perspectives cause it's great when these characters have no idea what's going on with each other

James’ house is giant. The living room’s ceiling is just impossibly high. Get this: there’s even a skylight. It brightens up the entire room. Alexander likes it. 

James is watching him look around. “You haven’t been here before,” he murmurs. There’s something else in his voice. 

“Nope,” Alexander says, looking over at him. “Is everything alright?”

James smiles and nods in the way that James always smiles and nods. James is always calm and collected, and it sort of scares Alexander. Maybe James is a cyborg. 

Thomas scoops James up. “To the pantry!”

He runs through the kitchen, and Alexander follows, laughing softly. Thomas opens the pantry and starts raiding it. James just holds onto him like this is completely normal. Alexander’s not really sure what else he was expecting. It seems to be the dynamic with James and Thomas. It’s cute. 

Alexander wants Thomas to scoop him up and carry him. Thomas slams the pantry shut and starts making popcorn in the microwave. 

The Thomas that’s in front of Alexander now is a lot different from the Thomas that Alexander has grown used to. This Thomas is still weird and quirky and fun, but he seems to be more relaxed. Alexander likes it. 

“Hey, James, can I sit on your counter?” Alexander asks. He’s starting to relax as well. 

“Go for it,” James hums, smiling. 

Alexander perches on the counter as the popcorn begins to make popping sounds. He opens his phone and finds a long string of messages on the Schuyler family group chat. He decides reading through them all will be a pain, and sticks to the last few for now. Peggy will probably give him a run-through later, whether he wants one or not. 

**Cool Sib 2:00: hey ange and lexi**

**Sweet Sib 2:01: What, not me?**

**Cool Sib 2:01: well you dont receive enjoyment from beating someone up with words**

**Cool Sib 2:02: youre more cruel than that**

**Cool Sib 2:02: youd probably attack them where it hurt the most**

**Sweet Sib 2:02: Thx <3 **

**Emo Sib 2:03: Do I need to verbally massacre someone?**

**Cool Sib 2:03: nope i need you to meet my freshman friend**

**Emo Sib 2:03: I have debate.**

**Cool Sib 2:04: yeah ik**

**Cool Sib 2:04: that’s why i specifically mentioned your name**

**Cool Sib 2:04: adams loves you**

**Cool Sib 2:04: just tell him to send you everything after**

**Emo Sib 2:05: Pegs.**

**Cool Sib 2:05: ill accept a bargain**

**Cool Sib 2:05: its you or lexi**

**Cool Sib 2:05: and lexi is probably busy trying to romance james in debate**

**Cool Sib 2:06 : or get into jefferson’s pants**

**Sweet Sib 2:06: He probably wouldn’t miss you at debate. He can even give you all the information**

**Sweet Sib 2:06: You’re late anyway**

**Sweet Sib 2:07: He’s probably at a table in the corner flirting with James and Thomas right now.**

**Sweet Sib 2:07: There won’t even be any debating, it’s the first meeting.**

**Cool Sib 2:07: liz is winning this argument right now**

**Cool Sib 2:07: you can practice with her back home**

**Emo Sib 2:08: picture.jpg**

**Sweet Sib 2:08: IS THAT THEM? THAT’S SO CUTE**

**Cool Sib 2:08: damn he really is at a table in the corner with them**

**Cool Sib 2:08: liz is a fucking sorceress**

**Cool Sib 2:09: she can see the future**

Alexander looks at the picture, blushing a little bit. He hadn’t really noticed that Angelica hadn’t been at debate today, which was kind of a big thing to miss. He’s glad she seems to be fine with it though. He tucks his phone away as Thomas pulls out the popcorn, grinning.

“Now, to melt the cheese,” Thomas says, with a pointed look towards Alexander.

“You do put cheese on your popcorn!” Alexander exclaims.

“It’s atrocious,” James hums.

Thomas glares at him, but kisses him on the cheek a second later, humming softly as James relaxes on him. Thomas walks over to the fridge to get cheese.

“I’m eating this before your filthy cheese touches it,” Alexander says, beginning to steal a bit of it and eating it. 

James laughs. “Run before he gets the cheese!”

Alexander instantly grabs the popcorn and begins sprinting. Thomas starts running after him. Alexander wouldn't even have a chance if it weren't for James cradled in Thomas' arms. James is busy cheering Alexander on even though Thomas is giving him a free ride through the house. Thomas loves the entire thing so much. 

Alexander's just doing laps around the main part of the first floor. He hasn't been to any other floors, and he's not sure where he's allowed to go. He's also staying out of rooms, just in case. Thomas ends up catching him by just heading the other way. Alexander can't stop, and he ends up plowing into Thomas.

Popcorn goes everywhere.

They're all laughing. Thomas is still hugging James with one arm, somehow. He offers his other hand to Alexander, pulling him up. Alexander smiles up at him. It's the best he's felt in a while. He wants to get hugged with Thomas' other arm. It seems like too much to ask, though. 

Thomas smiles. "I'm not going to be the one making more popcorn."

"Not it!" Alexander yells immediately.

Thomas grins at James gleefully. "That means you have to do it!"

"Yes, Thomas, I'm aware how not it works," James says, rolling his eyes and chuckling. You guys have to clean up this popcorn, anyway, since I'm making us more popcorn."

"Unfair," Thomas says. 

James just shrugs and slips out of Thomas' arm, heading towards the pantry to get more popcorn. Alexander ends up getting dragged along on a house tour with Thomas.

"I don't want to clean, so I'm making myself useful in another way," Thomas hums. "Here's the study, there's the game room, which is connected to the sun room, and then here's the alternate dining room, and the pink living room- if you look over on the other side of the kitchen, it's the green dining room. There's also the theatre down in the basement, and a workout room, which I'm not sure anyone in James' family uses. I try to sometimes, but it's mostly just the treadmill. Most of the equipment down there looks like torture devices."

Alexander just smiles and nods, trying to figure out why James' house has two dining rooms and two living rooms on the first floor. He's also trying to figure out the purpose of a sun room. He's not entirely sure what a sun room is, in the first place. Was it like a greenhouse or something? Did James have solar panels stacked up in one of the rooms? 

James was probably plotting to end the world, for all Alexander knew. He really wanted to know what went on in James' mind. 

Thomas led Alexander upstairs to the second floor, showing him around. At some point, he had slipped his hand into Alexander's, or it had been done the other way around. After all, it was a big house. Alexander didn't want to get lost.

They both seemed to realize they were holding hands a little bit too long after it happened. Their hands seemed to fit together, and Alexander loved the feeling of Thomas' soft hands. There were ridges of broken skin near the tips of Thomas' fingers, and Alexander realizes Thomas is probably one of those people who nervously chew on their fingers. He hasn't really been listening to Thomas, too focused on the feeling of their skin against each other. Alexander switches his mind back to listening mode.

Thomas isn't saying anything.

Alexander relaxes, just walking back down the stairs with Thomas. They had already been love confessions in debate, right? It wasn't like this was anything more than that. Alexander decided that he wouldn't read into it.

(What he means by that is that he won't read into it until later. Alexander Hamilton reads too much into everything and always succeeds in missing the obvious. He forgets to look at Thomas' face, to see the expression there. It'd just hurt him to know what it was, anyway.)

Thomas leads Alexander downstairs and to the brooms, letting go to hand Alexander a dustpan. Alexander can't feel Thomas' skin anymore, but he's still smiling. He heads over to the popcorn spill, beginning to sweep the entire thing back up into the dustpan. He goes to the kitchen to empty the dustpan out, hitting it against the rim of the trashcan a few times so the pieces of dust he's picked up can dislodge and float down like snowflakes. 

James hands him a wet wipe for the grease. He's not working at the microwave, like Alexander expected. James is making popcorn on the stove. It smells good. Alexander smiles slightly, giving James an awkward wave before heading back to wipe up the grease on the floor. Thomas has already finished with the popcorn, and he's emptying his dustpan out into a trashcan in the bathroom, which was a lot closer than the trashcan in the kitchen. 

Alexander doesn't know the location of the trashcans, but at least he knows one of the bathrooms now. Better than getting nervous about asking later. 

Alexander isn't an extremely nervous person. At least, he doesn't think he is. At the very most, he's hyperactive and just has a tendency to overthink everything, and sometimes that overthinking includes trying to figure out how to ask to go to the bathroom. It's absolutely wonderful.

(It's not.)

The mess is cleaned, and Alexander smiles up at Thomas. Thomas smiles back at him, but it doesn't really seem to be relaxed Thomas anymore. Now that Alexander thinks more about it, Thomas has been a little silent since the cleaning.

James could probably fix it. Thomas is usually relaxed around James, right? Alexander just goes back over to James, who is busy buttering a large bowl of just-popped popcorn. He smiles at Alexander and Thomas. "You guys should be glad I was chosen to make popcorn. I guarantee this is better than all of your microwavable shit."

Thomas rolls his eyes. "You're just smug because you can cook, and you know I can't."

James chuckles, pulling out some melted cheese for Thomas. "You can dip your popcorn in this if you want."

"Excuse me, did you just say _dip my popcorn?_ " Thomas asks, horrified. "Nobody _dips_ popcorn, James. Who raised you?"

James chuckles and got Thomas his own bowl so that Thomas could drizzle his cheese over his own popcorn without contaminating James' and Alexander's good stash. It's a happy agreement.

"So, are we watching anything?" James asks, grinning.

Alexander shrugs. "I mean, we have popcorn. It'd only be proper."

Thomas smiles. "I might have a movie in mind, if you guys wouldn't mind watching the greatest work of cinematic genius."

"Thomas, if you say the Bee Movie, I swear-"

"No!" Thomas says, laughing. "I mean, it is another work of cinematic genius, but not the one I'm talking about."

"It really isn't," James says. "It's a stupid movie about bees."

Alexander laughs. "You know, Thomas, you should really meet Peggy. I think you two would be really good friends."

Thomas chuckles slightly. "I'll look into it."

"I think I'll be disappointed by your movie selection no matter what you pick," James says.

"You weren't disappointed by Star Wars," Thomas says.

"It doesn't live up to the hype, sadly," James tells Alexander.

Thomas looks horrified.

"Star Trek is better anyway," Alexander hums. "I should show it to you sometime."

Thomas looks even more horrified. 

James smiles. "Sounds good. How about we watch Star Trek now?"

Thomas shakes his head. "No."

Alexander laughs, taking Thomas' hand and beginning to drag him downstairs. 

(He misses the looks between Thomas and James.)

He accidentally heads to a workout room first, and Thomas breaks away from him and runs to be the first on the the remote. 

"Hey!" Alexander shouts, running back the way Thomas had gone. Thomas and Alexander's struggle was useless. James already has the remote in his hand, and he's already picked the movie. He grins, his head turning to Alexander and Thomas, slightly demonic in the light from the giant screen. There are four rows of plush red chairs. It looked like a mini movie theatre.

Alexander wasn't sure what he was expecting when he heard that James had a movie theatre, but it wasn't this. Thomas watches the the screen begins playing the movie.

_"According to all known laws of aviation-"_

"James, this is the Bee Movie," Thomas says, a small smile on his face.

James grins. "I know."

Alexander has never really watched the Bee Movie, but he knows that Peggy has every single line memorized. It's kinda impressive, to him. He's not sure what they'll ever use the information for, but he's still very damn impressed.

"I've never watched the Bee Movie," Alexander says.

"Alexander, you're a disgrace," James hums. "Come sit. I shall go get the popcorn for you guys, since we all seemed to forget."

James and Thomas shared another glance. Alexander caught this one.

"Actually, Thomas and I will go, since Thomas decided to have his own bowl of popcorn with cheese in it and the first bowl is already big enough for me to carry," James says, chuckling and dragging Thomas upstairs with him.

Alexander stares at the plush chairs a little longer. A few of them have blankets on them, piled up and crumpled a little. They look soft. Alexander eventually decides to sit in a chair, since it'd be weird for James to come back and see that Alexander was still standing. He taps his foot a little, and he waits.

The movie is kinda... weird. Alexander sees why Peggy likes it.

He takes a picture of the movie on the large screen. He can show Peggy later, when they'll definitely interrogate him about the date. 

Thomas and James are back down with popcorn in a few minutes, and James has a tell tale bit of cheese sticking to some of the baby hairs above his lip, and Thomas has a little bit of cheese on his lips. Even through the flickering light of the screen, Alexander can see it.

For some reason, Alexander hates it. He was finally fitting in, and this seems to have ruined it. 

"If you guys want to make out, you could've just done it in front of me," Alexander says, chuckling a little to hide his actual emotion. It wasn't really loneliness. More... abandonment. He knows he's probably overreacting a little bit.

"Didn't know you wanted to watch," Thomas replies, an edge in his voice as well. 

The Bee Movie plays in the background, and Alexander shrinks into himself a little, just focusing on the television. He fidgets with his fingers a little bit, sweat beginning to form in the little webs between his fingers. His hands are already kind of clammy. The tension in the room seems to have suddenly spiked.

Alexander waits for James to say something. James is sitting in between Alexander and Thomas. James always has something to say to fix things. 

James doesn't say anything. The movie keeps playing, and nobody really laughs at the jokes. It just falls slat every time, and the tension in the room does nothing but increase. Alexander pretends to get a text message about thirty minutes in. "I gotta go," he says. "Dad wants me home."

James looks at him with the eyes that can stare into Alexander's soul. Alexander just hands the popcorn bowl back over. 

"Do you need a drive?" Thomas asks. His voice makes it clear that he really doesn't want to give Alexander a drive.

"Uh, no," Alexander answers. "My dad can pick me up. Thanks for having me over, James. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Alexander doesn't wait for a response. He just heads back upstairs, and sends a quick text to Angelica.

**Alexander 5:45: can you pick me up?**

**Angelica 5:45: Where are you?**

**Alexander 5:46: James' house.**

He gives her the address, and she doesn't send anything teasing, like Peggy would. He's glad he has Angelica for moments like these. She pulls up a few minutes later, and Alexander gets in the passenger seat, just slouching.

Angelica takes a long route home, waiting to see if Alexander wants to open up and talk. "Our house or your parents house'?"

"Parents," Alexander murmurs. He just needs to hang out alone for a little bit, but at the same time, he already feels lonely enough. He doesn't really want to describe to Angelica that the reason he's pissy is because James and Thomas were making out upstairs. It seems too small. Thomas and James kiss a lot. It's not really in his place to feel bad about it, when he's not even dating either of them. Still, he felt like a part of their group for a little bit, and now he doesn't feel like he's in it anymore. 

He supposes that he's a part of Angelica's group, at least. Angelica's family. Not really, though. He's being dropped at his parents' house, and in less than two years, he won't even have that to go back to. The entire situation strikes him as unfair.

Angelica drops him off with a reminder to call her if he needs anything- and she means anything. She only lets him go after that's clear. Alexander realizes that he's probably pulled her away from the entire hang out Peggy had going on with her new more-than-friend.

Alexander would make it up later. He's mostly sure of that. Even if he doesn't, he's going to do his best to at least fix something.

Alexander's dad waves at him. He's watching something on the television. He's not evil to Alexander or anything, but Alexander knows that his father wishes he wasn't there. Alexander's mother just pretends that he doesn't exist.

"Need anything?" Alexander asks his dad. They have tea sometimes and just stare off into the distance, making no conversation. Other times, Alexander's dad talks to Alexander like he's some businessman at the office instead of a child, and Alexander sort of likes those conversations.

His father declines the offer. Alexander steals some boxed chocolate milk from the fridge and heads up to be lonely for a little bit. His father only seems to add to the feeling of abandonment, anyway.

Some part of him is yelling at him for doing it. He knows he has people that care for him. He can't really take it upon himself to call them, though. He just feels too worthless for that. He'd be too much work for everyone.

Alexander's backpack is heavy. He knows he has a lot of work to do. He pulls out a few pieces of paper, starting on his work. He's never going to be satisfied with what he does. It always seems like too little. Nothing seems to work for him.

Sometimes he has ideas, but there's nothing coming to mind right now that doesn't involve James or Thomas.

Math, then. Mindless work. Something he can focus on and distract himself with. Alexander hates math, but it's useful for times like these, when following a set of rules and just brute forcing seems to be more appealing than thinking. 

Alexander knows that if he starts thinking, he'll just fall apart.


	10. I Love Making Everyone Sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sad james

James is in the kitchen with Thomas. The Bee Movie is still playing downstairs, and he’s completely aware that he’s left Alexander downstairs, which isn’t something that he’d usually want to do. Still, Thomas doesn’t seem to be doing well, and James just needs to make sure Thomas is okay. 

He knows Alexander would want the same, even though Alexander doesn’t really know that Thomas needs a little bit of affirmation now.

James gently takes Thomas’ hand. As usual, his movements are slow and calm, but the movements have direction and purpose. “Everything okay?”

Thomas leans down and just presses his lips to James, beginning to kiss. It’s not rough, but it’s not entirely soft, either. 

James kisses back for a few seconds, before he breaks away, searching Thomas’ face. It’s not like Thomas to attempt a full makeout session out of nowhere, and he’s sure Thomas knows better than to do it while Alexander is still downstairs, waiting for them. “Tommy.”

“I love you,” Thomas whispers.

“I love you too,” James responds, still trying to search for answers in Thomas’ eyes. There’s not much he can find. Some part of this has to do with Alexander, he knows that. “And I’m your boyfriend. I’m here for you. It’ll just be easier to help you if you tell me what’s wrong, Thomas.”

Thomas sighs softly, perching up on the counter, as if he wasn’t tall enough already. He reached for some of the popcorn, popping it into his mouth. James looks up at him, knowing the food’s a comfort to Thomas. He feels tiny, but he knows that he’s the one holding this together right now. That’s what he needs to focus on right now. He waits for Thomas to give an answer, staring back up at him. He’s not letting this one go. 

James doesn’t want his newly revived relationship with Alexander to suddenly be undermined because of a misunderstanding. He needs to work this out. He’s so close. He’s already told Alexander he loves him, and it’s been less than a week since they had started talking again. He doesn’t want Alexander to slip through his fingers again.

He’s begun to expect the worst. He really doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t really know what else to do at this point. Every time James has something set, something else seems to wash that away. 

“It’s Alexander,” Thomas says.

Well, that part is obvious. James waits for more.

“It- we can’t be with him, Jamie,” Thomas says, and James can see Thomas’ struggle to make sure his face doesn’t betray any emotion. “I love you. I already know you’re not my enemy. I feel something for you.”

James opens his mouth, about to speak. Thomas cuts him off. Thomas almost never cuts him off. They’re both extremely good listeners. It’s one of the things that works well in their relationship. They listen to each other, they trust each other, and the words they say usually mean more than their surface definitions. 

“Alexander is our enemy,” Thomas says, and James can see Thomas’ lip quivering slightly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him or what’s wrong with us, but I can’t do this. I can’t love both you and him. That’s wrong. I know that’s wrong.”

“It’s not-”

“Shut up for a second,” Thomas says. “I know you want him. You’ve been staring at him for months. You just need to make a decision James. It’s either me or him. You can’t have us both. I already chose you. You need to make a decision.”

James is silent. He’s good at keeping his emotions concealed when he needs to, he’s good at keeping them on low. He tries to remember what is expected of him in this moment. He’s always been guided by what expectations others had of him. Thomas… Thomas expects him to choose, and he knows that Thomas doesn’t know who he’ll be choosing. Thomas doubts himself too much to expect James to choose him, but he doesn’t expect James to choose Alexander either.

“You don’t love him,” Thomas says. He takes in a shuddering breath, and James can tell he’s trying not to cry. James’ instinct is to reach out and help him. He finds it impossible to move, though. Thomas looks away from James, just a little. “You love who he used to be. You love what you guys had when you were freshmen. He left you, James, and he didn’t come back for you.”

“He came back,” James says softly. “He came back. He’s sitting downstairs right now. He came back, Thomas. It couldn’t have been his fault. There had to be another reason-”

“What reason?” Thomas asks. “He doesn’t tell you anything. He doesn’t tell me anything. He doesn’t trust us. Why should we trust him?”

James can feel himself shaking his head, but it seems to be happening a mile away, as if he’s watching this on a television screen. He wants this to just be a nightmare. His voice sounds, and he’s not even sure if it’s his own. He feels like he’s sunken into his body, like he isn’t exactly there on the same plane of existence of everything else going on. “I can’t give up on him,” he says. He’s not sure if his voice sounds quiet because he feels so removed, or if it’s because he’s just talking that softly.

Thomas looks at him and shakes his head. Thomas hasn’t been acting angry at all. Thomas is fidgeting slightly, but that’s a normal Thomas thing. His lip is still quivering slightly, and sometimes he sucks it into his mouth and bites it for a little. He’s blinking a lot more than usual.

Sadness, James decides.

"You don't have to do this, you know," James murmurs. "He's our friend."

"He's our friend, who both of us happen to be in love with," Thomas replies. "Don't even deny it. You know it can't happen. It's a sin, James, you can't have two people like that."

"But you want to," James murmurs. He knows if Thomas had said this earlier, James wouldn't even be having this dilemma in the first place. Wanting two people romantically just seemed completely out of the ordinary, completely out of what was expected, and completely wrong. James doesn't really think that anymore, and his own self-doubt stems from the possibility that he's just committing a wrongdoing by attempting to have both Alexander and Thomas. He takes a deep breath. "And I want to. What's wrong with it? As long as we're not kissing him, right?"

That's the most James can reason with this. 

"I mean, suppose we both had the same celebrity crush-" he's grasping at straws. He'll say anything if he can make sure that he won't be hurting anyone. "It's not like it's morally wrong to want to kiss..." James doesn't know celebrities, "Harry Potter."

"Harry Potter is a fictional character," Thomas says. "Celebrity crushes are for fun. Alexander is real, he's in your house, and he's our enemy. You're not in love with him. You're in love with who he used to be."

James' mind seems to sink further back into where it's been, and he steps back a little bit.

He's still coming to terms with the fact that he doesn't know what to do.

He doesn't know what to do, and it's killing him. James always knows what to do. He knows how to please people. He knows how to meet expectations. This is what he's good at. It's the only reason people keep him around. The perfect path always seems to click into place for him. He's a charmer. He knows how to cheer people up, how to make people feel better.

What James doesn't know is how to deal with a confrontation like this.

He has a few seconds before he knows Thomas will start to doubt him. He knows what Thomas wants, and Thomas is standing right in front of him. The real world has faded away, and James doesn't know what's happening to himself. Was this the panic that Thomas felt? 

James takes a deep breath to steady himself. he can't show weakness, not when the world needs him to be strong. He forces a smile, looks up at Thomas, and he leans in and kisses him. It's all James can do right now. "I choose you," he murmurs. "I said I'd choose you."

The memory floats back, but James can't remember when he said it. He knows that he had said it at some point. He's been reassuring himself for so long by saying that Thomas is the one he needs, and he has Thomas. He's good as long as he has Thomas, right? Thomas.

He can't remember when the list of things he decided to rely upon extended to Alexander as well. He can't remember when his life got so messed up that he was being forced to choose between his best friend and his love. He doesn't know when Thomas suddenly picked up this mentality. Debate seemed to have been going so well. Everything seemed to have been clicking in place for once.

Thomas can't read James' thoughts, though. He can only see what James shows to the outside world, and James has put a barrier up between himself and Thomas for the first time in a long time. There seems to be a barrier between himself and the real world. He feels like he's underwater and everything that's happening is coming from the other side of a pane of glass. Everything feels off and wrong, and James doesn't feel comfortable at all. 

Thomas can't tell, though. He just leans in and kisses James again, like that'll smooth out everything between them. James knows he needs to talk to Thomas more about this, and that waiting would probably just end up fucking up even more. Still, Alexander is downstairs and waiting, and James uses that excuse to get out of the conversation he knows that he doesn't want to have. A conversation that James knows he's just too much of a coward to have.

"Let's go downstairs," James says softly. 

Thomas nods, and he hands James a bowl of popcorn and leads him downstairs.

The Bee Movie is going on.

James didn't really mind the movie before. In fact, he had thought it was cute because of how much Thomas liked it. Now he decides he hates it. 

James hopes the dim lighting of the movie theater can hide the tears that have began to form in his eyes. They're brimming up, and James is focused on making sure they don't fall out. He blinked once, stopping his eyes from betraying him, and he puts on a smile as he walks into the room. He just wants to lean over to Alexander and give him a hug and promise that everything will sort itself out. He knows that assuring Alexander would probably help himself feel better too, as if saying it out loud and having at least one other person believe it will help James believe it too. 

It seems unlikely he can do that, especially since Thomas seems so suddenly opposed to Alexander, and the entire relationship that's been building between Alexander and the two of them. James tries to figure out exactly what he expected in the first place. He's never really given himself expectations when it comes to Alexander. Alexander is one of the areas of his life that he allows to be completely spontaneous. After all, it's why he fell in love with Alexander in the first place. 

The first awkward kiss and the happy-nervous-excited feeling he felt throughout his entire body was something he loved. It's something he still misses. He can still feel his chest warming when he thinks about it, and when he thinks about how kisses back then were just lips smushed against each other without any movement. He misses the little arguments and debates, and the way he could help uplift Alexander when he needed it, or just lying down on the grass with together on the bad days. He misses the way he hugged Alexander when other people were trying to flirt with him, the absolute innocence when Alexander said the words, "I love you."

_You're not in love with him. You're in love with who we used to be._

Alexander isn't who he used to be. Alexander isn't innocent anymore. Alexander doesn't talk as much as he used to, and sometimes it feels as if his smile isn't as bright as it used to be. Still, Alexander now means the Alexander he hung out with under the bleachers. The softer movements and the more considerate person he's turned into. Alexander doesn't seem to share as much of himself with the world as he used to. Alexander seems to have shrunken in on himself a little bit, but James doesn't mind. He wants to help. It's still Alexander, and James can't be mad at Alexander when he himself has changed so much as well. 

He wants to say all of these thoughts out loud. He wants to say them as he lies in the grass at the park with Alexander. He wants to say them in between kisses and comforting words. He wants to feel at home again.

Alexander looks over at the two of them. There's a little bit of bitterness in his voice as he says, "If you guys wanted to make out, you could've just done it in front of me." James knows the chuckle that follows is forced.

James wants to apologize. James doesn't say anything, just bowing his head a little.

Thomas answers in his place for once, licking cheese off his lips. "Didn't know you wanted to watch."

The words could've been teasing, if they had been said in another tone. They weren't. He sees Alexander shrink even more, and as he sits down in his seat next to Alexander, he just feels pain in his gut. Thomas had said this was what was right. It doesn't feel right at all. 

James doesn't even register what's going on for the next half an hour. He's just slipped off into himself, letting the movie and the rest of his surroundings fade out, just focusing on not letting any tears fall. He's just holding it all inside himself. He's not sure what to with with all the emotions he's feeling. 

Alexander checks his phone after a while, and says he needs to head home to his parents. Thomas offers a ride. Alexander declines. Alexander is gone. It all seems so sudden to James. He wants to call Alexander back and say goodbye and give him a soft hug. 

The Bee Movie keeps playing after Alexander leaves. It's a little longer before Thomas finally turns it off, and the room is silent and dark. 

"Jam?" Thomas asks softly.

James gently crawls onto Thomas' lap. He buries his face into Thomas' sweater, breathing him in softly. "I love him," he murmurs.

"I know," Thomas replies, gently wrapping his arms around James'. Thomas' arms are comforting, and the sweater he's wearing seems to help as well. "I'm sorry."

James nods softly, though it's mostly so that the tears in his eyes rub off into the sweater. He rests there for a while, just breathing in Thomas and feeling Thomas' hand gently rubbing his back. He wants to talk to Thomas, but he's not sure how he wants to start the conversation, and he's not sure if they entire conversation will just make him feel worse. He's already messed up so much. He hits his head against Thomas' chest a few times, just trying to shake off the bad feeling that he can't get rid of. Thomas places a hand against the back of James' head, holding him against his chest like a baby.

James curls up there and doesn't move. He hears the door open upstairs after a while, and he knows his parents are home. They call for him, and Thomas answers, letting them know that they're both in the theater. It goes back to dark silence after Thomas responds that yes, he's probably staying for dinner. James burrows into him more, just trying to disappear in the warm expanse of Thomas' sweater.

"Do you want me to stay over tonight?" Thomas asks softly.

James nods. He'll start talking to Thomas at some point. For now, he just wants this comfort.

He seems to be rooted in reality again after a while. His mind wanders, and he thinks about Alexander, and whether Alexander has someone's he can lie down in the grass with right now. Of course, lying down in the grass probably wouldn't be enjoyable. It's March, and it's still dipping below freezing every now and then. James finds he wouldn't mind it though.

"Can we lie outside in the grass?" James asks. He has a large backyard. He and Thomas can probably find a patch somewhere where they'd be comfortable.

Thomas nods, picking James up and carrying him upstairs. He gives a wave to James' dad, who was already working on dinner, and signals he's got James under control for now. James can't see what his dad's reaction is, but he knows that he'll probably get a few questions later. 

Thomas sets James down on the grass outside. The grass is half frozen, and it's kind of prickly. They're not wearing jackets, so it'll get really cold soon. James is already shivering. Thomas lies down on top of him like a blanket.

"I'm losing more heat to the ground than to the air above me," James murmurs. He saw it in a survival video once. He's not sure why he says it. He just needs something to say.

Thomas just flips their positions silently, letting James lie on top of him. Everything about it seems wrong. He wishes it was Spring, and he wishes he was at the park. He wishes the sun was out. 

He knows he's not going to get what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't think many people are reading this anymore,, i might make it shorter than i planned


	11. Thomas Attempts Smoothing Things Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote this before I saw the amount of people who commented and said they were still reading, so it's kinda filler-y cause I   
> was planning on bringing it to close a different way.
> 
> But those comments have totally inspired me! Thanks everyone.

Thomas doesn't like how little James is responding. Even though James never really talks, he always lets Thomas know when he's listening, whether it's with a soft hum or a squeeze to Thomas' hand. James isn't doing any of that right now. He's just laying there and making random comments now and then. Thomas isn't even sure why James wants to be outside. It's already cold, and it's getting colder. The temperature is beginning to dip into the low twenties.

Thomas is more than a little scared. He wants to kiss it better. He wants to find a way to make James happy again, the way they were on Valentine's Day right after they exchanged kisses in the car after they had given each other their Valentine's Day presents. 

Thomas sighs. Then again, he had only been telling the truth. James would have to choose at some point. Besides, it's not right to be in love with two people. It wasn't right to have to deal with loving Alexander. They can't act on it, even if it's tempting them. Lust is a sin, as is adultery. Thomas knows that much.

He supposes he's still influenced by his upbringing a little. 

Even if they were to lead Alexander on, it would probably be worse for everyone. Thomas didn't want to end up dealing with consequences in the future just because neither of them ever let Alexander down. Alexander probably has his own soulmate. Alexander might want one of them, but he doubted Alexander would come back after what happened today.

Then again, if Thomas knows one thing about Alexander, it's that Alexander is determined. There's always the chance that he'd fight for the friendship. Thomas tries the push down the part of him that hopes that Alexander does come back. Alexander's there as an obstacle to his goals. That's the point of an enemy.

James is staring at Thomas' wrists, and his eyes are slightly glazed over. He's probably just thinking. Thomas wants to know what James is thinking about, and he wants to help. There's no way he can help with this. It's hard, but he knows it's a decision that had to be made. He couldn't do anything about it. 

Thomas carried James back in after he started shivering, just getting a little worried. Part of him wonders whether he should get James into a warm bath, but he's not sure he wants to leave James alone, and he's also not sure that James will let him sit there if he's having a bath. He ends up setting James down on the counter near the stove, letting some of the heat get to James that way. He gives James a soft smile and kisses his cheek, trying to do something to improve James' mood.

He ends up deciding to just give James his thinking time. James isn't responding, anyway. Thomas can't really help it much. He decides to help James' father in the kitchen, whose trying to communicate with Thomas through several looks and vague gestures. Thomas knows where James gets it from. The thing is, Thomas also knows how to read James' gestures and facial expressions. He has no idea what the fuck James' father is trying to communicate, and he has no way of giving answers.

_Hey, so your son is in love with someone that isn't me and I kinda told him that he had to choose._

He wonders how much James' parents know about Alexander. There had to be at least some idea of what was going on in that front. Thomas looks back at James. He has his phone in his hands now, and his eyes are glued to the screen. His face is still agonizingly blank.

Thomas sighs. He helps set the table, and James seems to be ignoring the fact that he's setting the table. Thomas is already thinking about texting his parents to let them know he's staying over at James' for the night. He loves James, and he knows he isn't letting James go tonight. He's worried about too much for that.

James' mom heads down after a little bit, kissing James' father now and then as they get the rest of dinner ready and move it to the table. Thomas isn't sure if James wants to be alone, but it doesn't really look like James would be doing anything different if Thomas brought him upstairs. 

After the food is all out, Thomas carries James over to the sink to wash his hands. His arms are around James' waist, and he presses a soft kiss to James' cheek, leaning him over the sink so that James can reach down into the water.

James washes his hands.

Thomas pulls him back into his chest. "How are you feeling?"

James doesn't say anything for a few seconds, and Thomas waits. He doesn't want to rush James, and he doesn't want to make James feel any worse. He's shoving down the anxiety of breaking James. Maybe he broke James, but he's here to patch James up again. 

James shakes his head, and Thomas gently gives him another kiss on the forehead. At least it's a response, which is less than what Thomas has had since he pulled James back in. 

He sets James down in one of the chairs. James' parents don't really ask questions, apart from a few glances to Thomas, and a few at each other. Thomas just forces a smile for now. James just picks at his food. 

Thomas isn't a patient person, but he's willing to wait in this case. He helps clean up the table after he and James' parents are done, and just sits down next to James waiting for James to finish. It takes about forty-five minutes, and James' parents offer to clean up after James.

"Thanks," Thomas murmured, picking James back up and holding him close to his chest. "I think we'll be going to sleep."

"Of course, boys," James' mother hums. 

Thomas nods, just heading back upstairs with James. He sets James on the bed, and he sends a quick text to his parents that he's sleeping over with James. He doesn't bother waiting for the response he knows isn't coming.

"Do you want to brush your teeth, James?" Thomas asks. "Just mouthwash?"

"Mouthwash," James says.

Thomas is happy to oblige. He carries James over to the bathroom and brushes with him. He already has a brush here, just in case. He carries James back, setting him down on the bed. Neither of them have done their homework, a fact that Thomas is painfully aware of. He's already thinking about the conversations with teachers he'll need to have tomorrow. He hates himself for worrying about this when James clearly doesn't seem to be doing well.

Thomas tucks James in. It's still two hours earlier than their usual bedtime. Thomas gets their school reading assignment from his bag, and he reads it to James as a bedtime story. Maybe James will be able to use it in first period English tomorrow. It's looking after James, in a way.

James cuddles closer.

Thomas goes through James' schedule in his head. 

James has a free period fourth period, and he has Government second period. Thomas is in Government too, but he has it at a different time. He pulls out the homework and reads that to James, too. There's no architecture homework, and James will probably be able to do his homework for fifth and sixth period during lunch and his free period. 

James eventually tugs on Thomas in the middle of Thomas' discussion with himself on one of the Government homework questions. Thomas instantly sinks into the bed and wraps a protective arm around James, holding him close to his chest. "Hey, darling."

"Hey," James says, finally.

Thomas breathes a soft sigh of relief. “Hey.”

“I love you,” James says. 

“I love you too,” Thomas murmurs. 

“I don’t want to give you up,” James says, pressing a bit closer. 

“And you don’t want to give Hamilton up,” Thomas murmurs back, gently pulling the duvet over their heads so the light of the room won’t bother them.

“I haven’t, yet,” James says softly. 

“What are you thinking?” Thomas asks. He’s trying hard not to jump to conclusions, trying to make sure that his brain doesn’t instantly fill it in with _he’s leaving you._

“I’m thinking about school tomorrow,” James murmurs. “All that happened was a few snappy words exchanged, right? What are you going to do if he comes up to you tomorrow and apologizes?” James asks. 

That catches Thomas off guard. The day certainly felt like more than just an exchange of a few words. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that it’s all that it was. Just two barbed sentences, one from Alexander, and one from Thomas. James hadn’t even contributed. 

Alexander isn’t one to pursue relationships after they sour. From what Thomas has heard with what happened to James, and with what happened between himself and Alexander, Thomas hadn’t expected something after today.

Still, he and Alexander argued all the time. What if Alexander did come back? What if what Alexander had originally said was just a teasing comment? What if it didn’t mean as much as Thomas thought it did?

“Well?”

Thomas sighs. “I’ll tell him he’s my enemy, and I can’t mess with the universe.”

James scoffs softly. “Really? You’ll say that? Right to his face?”

Thomas hesitates. “Yes. Right to his face. We can’t keep leading him on, James. What would you do?”

James is silent again. Thomas is worried he broke James again, right after fixing him. Still, he waits, his leg bouncing a bit as he does. 

There’s a knock at the door, and the door opens slightly. “Night!” It’s James’ mom.

“Night,” Thomas murmurs back. 

James’ mom flicks the switch, and the little bit of light that had been going through the blanket disappears. They’re shrouded in darkness. 

James sets a hand on Thomas’ cheek, gently feeling the baby hairs there. “Are you sure about this?”

Thomas is not sure about this. Thomas is sure that they’re making the wrong decision.

Still, Thomas nods. “Yes.”

“Okay then,” James murmurs. He presses a soft kiss to Thomas’ lips. “I trust you.”

“I trust you too,” Thomas replies. “I love you.”

James wrapped an arm around Thomas and cuddled in. Thomas waited about fifteen minutes, gently rubbing James’ back and waiting for him to sleep. After Thomas felt James’ breathing even out a little, he stopped and decided to try focusing on getting to sleep himself. It took way too long for him to do so.

***

His dreams involve him being alone. He doesn’t sleep soundly.

***

Thomas wakes up at some point during the night, and his fingers search the bed for James. He isn’t there. Thomas sits up. The house is silent.

“James?” His voice cracks as it forms the one syllable. It’s quiet and hesitant. It sounds like Thomas has been crying, even though he knows he hasn’t. He has to check his eyes, though. It feels like there should be tears there. He waits for an answer. 

The darkness around him doesn’t reply.

Thomas gets up, focusing on keeping his breathing soft and steady. He doesn’t want to end up panicking. He’s not entirely sure what he does want to do. He just wants James right now. Thomas opens the door a little bit, and James is sitting down outside in the hallway, his phone in his hand. He looks up at Thomas. “Tommy?”

“Hey,” Thomas murmurs, letting out a soft sigh of relief before his brain immediately starts thinking about why James would be out here instead of in bed. He has several explanations, and none of them are happy. _He probably doesn’t want to deal with you anymore. You’re just too repulsive._

James turns off his phone. "I'll go back to bed," he murmurs. 

Thomas knows James doesn't want to go back to bed. He shakes his head softly, holding out a hand for James to take. "Come on."

James looks up at him a little quizzically, but he takes Thomas' hand. Thomas helps him up. James has small lights set up at all of the plug points, each of them highlighting the floor of the hallway in an artificial glow. There's a large window right by the stairs, which lets in the light of the moon. It highlights the socks on Thomas' feet as he steps down the stairs with James, holding onto his hand as if it's a life source. James is holding on tightly too, but not as tight. 

There are soft shadows cast around the house as Thomas gently pulls James into the kitchen. Thomas thinks they're both beautiful and slightly creepy. He gently picks James up and hoists him onto the counter. James' legs swing back and forth as he watches Thomas walk to the pantry. There's a clicking sound as Thomas turns on the light to the pantry, reaching up to the pasta boxes. He picks one of the more ridiculous varieties- James seems to be out of SpongeBob Macaroni and Cheese, but Thomas is happy enough with the bow ties.

He holds up the blue box to James, and James smiles softly, nodding.

There seems to be an unspoken rule between them to stay silent. Although there are other people sleeping in the house, they would be able to get away with whispering. Neither of them make a noise anyway. 

James slips off the counter and gets a pot and fills it up with water. Thomas measures the macaroni while James places the pot back on the stove to boil. Cooking together seems to soothe them a bit. It certainly works with Thomas. The clockwork way that they prepare everything seems to reassure Thomas that yes, James is his soulmate, and yes, he can be happy with just James.

He's been happy with James for so long. Maybe not the happiest, but that wasn't something that could really get fixed until he was able to get away from his parents. Soon, he hoped. He just wanted to move in with James and have that domestic bliss he's seem so much of in movies and books. He wants that to be his reality.

Thomas smiles at James softly, kissing James' cheek as James walks past him to the pantry. They still haven't turned any lights on, and all the work they're doing is done under the light leaking out of the pantry. James returns with a large jar of jellybeans, setting them on the table. 

Thomas grins, and he opens the jar up, beginning to munch on a few jellybeans. He's already aware that he needs to brush his teeth after this. He's already thinking about how the jellybeans might be poisoned. He ignores most of his thoughts. He's here with James, and that's all that matters to him right now.

The water begins to boil, and Thomas pours in the pasta that James had already measured out. James feeds him a jellybean as he does so. Thomas smiles and offers one in return, gently pressing it to James' lips. James eats it, and then presses a soft kiss to Thomas' fingers.

Things do seem like they'll turn out alright for him. He's already calmed down again, and the sleepiness is beginning to set in again, just a reminder that he needs a little bit of rest.

Macaroni and cheese first.

James strains it as Thomas pulls out two bowls and puts in the cheese. James pours the pasta in, and they both mix it quietly, their spoons clinking against the sides of the bowl. Thomas sprinkles a few jellybeans onto his pasta, and James scrunches up his nose in distaste. Thomas thinks it's the cutest thing in the world.

Thomas laughs softly, kissing James' nose. 

They eat together in the kitchen, only with the sounds of soft chewing and clinking and occasional yawns from Thomas. Thomas is almost asleep by the time James finishes his pasta. He feels James' hands gently helping him up and pulling him to the couch. Thomas doesn't even protest, just plopping down. 

He hears a soft chuckle, and after a few more noises from the kitchen, he's joined by James' warm body right next to him. Well, James' warm body and cold feet, because James refuses to wear socks to bed, for some reason. His feet are icebergs, and Thomas has to deal with that.

They're illuminated by the moon from the skylights in the living room.

Thomas wraps his arms around James pulling him in and yawning. James buries his face into Thomas' chest, and soon enough, they've both dozed off, softly snoring on the couch together.

***

Thomas wakes with a backache the next day. His eyes take a few seconds to fully open, and he realizes that he didn't even sleep with a blanket last night. James is still huddled into him. The throw pillow that Thomas had been sleeping on is now on the floor, and Thomas' neck felt stiff. It was slightly painful to move when he looked up.

Thomas finds he doesn't really mind. He has James in his arms, and that's what matters.

He doesn't know what time it is until he sees James' dad walk into the kitchen in plaid pajamas, looking over at Thomas and James. He gave Thomas a smile, waving. Thomas smiled back at him, giving him a nod. He didn't want to move a hand and end up waking James. 

Eventually, though, the deed had to be done. Thomas gently shook James awake, and they went through their usual getting-ready-for-school routine. Thomas borrowed some of James' father's clothes, thanking him a bit sheepishly. 

James talked to his parents alone for a little bit. They were worried, after all. 

An hour and a half later, they get into Thomas' car and he drives the two of them to school. He doesn't know what James plans to do with Alexander, and to be fair, Thomas isn't sure himself. He knows he told James that he would tell Alexander to back off, but he's not so sure about that anymore.

He wonders how Alexander's been doing. He realizes that he hasn't been thinking about Alexander this entire time. Damn, Alexander probably feels terrible. _It's your fault._ He sighs softly.

He needs a plan for dealing with Alexander, and he's probably going to spend Algebra working on that. 

For now, he's glad he's got at least some of this mess sorted out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this is a little slower because I was planning to skip a few plot points that I had originally, but that means that I have now pushed the decent into chaos for the next chapter.
> 
> Enjoy this while you can :)


	12. HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's no sadness in this lol,,,,  
> none at all,,,,,

Brushing teeth is a hard thing for Alexander. He just doesn’t understand how someone can get up in the morning, walk over to the sink, and then spend time brushing their teeth. Every. Single. Day. Alexander has problems even being able to do one thing on that list.

Getting up today is harder than it is most days. The covers weigh on him, seeming to trap him a little under the warmth. Well, it’s not really warmth. He doesn’t have especially think covers, and it’s cold out. His feet stick through the bottom of his blanket since he’s too tall for it. He’s too nervous to ask for a new one, though.

He guesses that he likes the covers because of the way he can curl up in a ball under them and feel like he’s disappeared, at least a little. He can pretend nobody can hear him or see him or care about him, and for some reason, that seems to make things feel better. 

Sometimes, that is.

Now, he just feels like shit. He knows he has the Schuylers, even if he loses James and Thomas. He doesn’t want to lose them, though. Not after everything had been going right for once. It was just yesterday he heard the _I love you_ and felt alive once again, rather than the constant deadness that seemed to permeate his life.

It isn’t always like this. Recently, he’d just been having nights where he couldn’t sleep and he just focused on working instead. Working was so much better than just lying there and doing nothing. Even now, he can feel that part of himself trying to say something, trying to urge him to get out of bed.

It only makes himself feel worse. He knows he isn’t getting out of bed anytime soon. He knows he probably isn’t going to do anything productive today. Maybe it had just been something small that had gone wrong, but he couldn’t help feeling like it was something big, and he was just missing what it was. Why was this entire thing so hard for him?

Maybe he can head home with Angelica today and lie on her floor while she blasts emo music. Alexander supposes that’s the best reason to get up that he can come up with. Maybe this thing with Thomas and James would get sorted out. Maybe it was just nothing.

He pushes himself up, finally. He takes a deep breath in.

He collapses back into bed. He wishes he had someone with him. It’s always easier when he has Peggy literally dragging him to the bathroom. There’s no Peggy here, though. 

Alexander sits up in his bed again, wiping his hair away from his face. It’s tangled and he’s pretty sure he got some drool in there while he was sleeping. He groans softly, checking the time on his phone. He turns the screen on, and along with the time-- 7:09-- there’s a message from James.

Alexander reads it even before he checks the time. 

**James 2:01: We need to talk.**

There’s no time or meeting spot along with the message, and it all seems a little cryptic. Alexander looks at the time. He has fifteen minutes to get ready.

He’s glad he did his homework yesterday.

Alexander ends up just sitting in bed for five more minutes before finally getting up and beginning to clean himself up a little bit. He doesn’t brush his teeth, but he squirts some paste onto his tongue and swishes it around with spit. Good enough. His hair gets stuffed into a beanie. He picks the black cuffs with studs today. He has eyeliner in his bag for later. 

He runs out right as the bus pulls into his neighborhood. He plops down near the back, putting in his earbuds. He doesn’t really want to pay attention to people right now. His earbuds suck. The noise coming out of them is soft, and the noise only comes out of one of the buds. He deals with it, pretending not to listen as Samuel Seabury talks about his new workout regimen as loud as possible, most probably to brag.

He taps his foot and gets lost in the music, trying not to think too much about James or Thomas or anything else. Maybe talking to the Schuylers. That’s a nice thing to think about. He still needs to meet Peggy’s special friend, after all.

Alexander still hasn’t read the messages in the group chat. He needs to. He yawns softly, rubbing his eyes. Even though he pretty much slept for ten hours, he was tired. 

The bus takes about six minutes to get to school from Alexander’s house. He walks off and pulls up the hood to the hoodie he’s wearing. It’s the debate hoodie he got from last year, and he hopes enough people have the same hoodie that he’ll be unrecognizable for now. He doesn’t really want to deal with people.

First period goes fine. Alexander doesn’t pay attention. Alexander can’t find it in him to care about anything that the teacher is saying. He just wants to curl up and disappear. Second period is the same. Third period as well. He just doesn’t care.

The only Schuyler that is in his grade is Eliza. Peggy’s a year down, and Angelica’s a year up. The problem Alexander has is that Eliza isn’t in any of his classes. He just has to wait until lunch until he finds humans he’s willing to talk to. 

He packs up for lunch. He doesn’t really want to eat anything, but he’ll take the chance to plop down next to Angelica and lean on her for a bit. That would be nice. Maybe Peggy can talk about how her writing is going, or Eliza can talk about the animals at the shelter. Any of it would be nice. He just wants a break. 

He goes to lunch and sits back in his usual spot. His last class let out early, which means the lunchroom is barely populated. He risks a glance over to James’ table. Neither James nor Thomas are there yet.

Angelica eventually sits down next to Alexander with a tray full of food. She takes his hand, squeezing it. “Is there anyone I need to fight?”

Alexander laughs softly. “Don’t think so.”

Angelica smiles, giving Alexander a few music recommendations. “Yeah, that one has one of those beats that you just have to dance along to,” she hums. She gets a text and looks over at Alexander. “Can Peggy bring her freshman friend or are we keeping this family-only?”

“Tell her to bring her friend. I’m very interested in meeting him,” Alexander says, laughing softly. He plays with the studs on his cuff a little. “You don’t mind me missing the last meeting, right?”

“Meeting sounds too formal,” Angelica says, chuckling. “It was more like a lot of screaming. Imagine a french Peggy. That’s Laf.”

“Oh lord have mercy,” Alexander says, laughing. 

Angelica shake her head. “They’re both so… excitable. They played French emo music for me. I was actually going to recommend you some, but I have a feeling I wouldn’t be able to do it in the same way that Peggy’s friend did.”

Alexander laughs some more. 

Peggy pops into the seat across from Alexander. “Heyo, losers.”

“Sup?” Alexander asked. 

“My pal’s getting me some food. They’re quite a great bud. Real champ,” Peggy said. “Reminds me of Kermit.”

“Peggy, what the fuck,” Angelica says. 

“Does he talk like Kermit?” Alexander asked. 

“It’s _they_ ,” Peggy says. “Gender is stupid.”

“I can agree with that,” Alexander hums. 

“Seconded,” Angelica says. 

“Just try not to mess it up. I slip up a few times too,” Peggy hums. “Hey, would you mind if I felt like a guy sometimes?”

“Nope,” Alexander says, shrugging. “Whatever floats your boat.”

“You talk like a fucking first grade teacher, get some class, Alexander,” Peggy says, shaking her head. 

“Do you feel like a guy sometimes?” Angelica asks.

“Not sure,” Peggy hums. “I’ll keep y’alls updated.”

Alexander doesn’t know how he feels about the word y’all. He’s trying to focus on other things right now, though. He’s still holding onto Angelica’s hand. He reaches for a bit of her food, since he didn’t get any for himself. He knows Angelica didn’t mind. She probably even got extra for him, since she’s such a good sister like that.

Eliza’s the next to sit down, smiling at Alexander. “Hey,” she hums.

“Hey,” Alexander responds. 

Eliza’s soft-spoken, as always. She’s soft, but she’s also caring and passionate, and Alexander knows she’s going to be great. It’s kinda nice, being around his family. It takes his mind off of all the shit that’s been going on.

“So, what happened yesterday?” Eliza asks. 

“Elizabeth, you’re not supposed to mention that, my buddy pal friend,” Peggy hums. 

“That sounds vaguely threatening,” Eliza says. “But I was worried. We all were.”

Alexander bites his lip softly, trying to figure out what to say. He taps his foot under the table. 

“It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it,” Eliza says. “I just wanted you to be able to share.”

Alexander sighs and softly shakes his head. “I’ll tell you soon, in a less public spot, when we have more time.” He glances over towards James’ table. James is laughing with Thomas, and Alexander berates himself for looking over there in the first place. “I think it’s a little up in the air now, you know?”

“Well, if you’re making a decision, you should definitely tell us,” Angelica says. “If you want, that is. You just have a tendency to make stupid decisions.”

“Hey!” Alexander says, snapping his gaze back to Angelica. “Rude.”

“She’s right, though,” Peggy hums, shrugging.

“What my sister means is that you have a tendency for guessing what other people think, and making your decisions based on that,” Eliza says. “Hearing other opinions would help.”

“‘Sides, we like the gossip,” Peggy says. She looks up. “There’s a Laf approaching.”

Laf sits down next to Peggy and smiles at everyone. They give a quick wave, and Peggy leans over onto their shoulder, grinning. “Alex, this is Laf. Laf, that’s Alex. He’s an asshole. Laf’s too sweet to be ruined by you.”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “Pleased to meet you, Laf. I guarantee that Peggy is worse influence than I am, anyway.”

The rest of lunch goes relatively well. Laf is fun to talk to, and Alexander really loves the way they try to force english words to flow together the same way French words too. Alexander knew French when he was a child, but he can only understand the language now. He sucks at speaking it. Laf offers to help in the future.

Angelica and Laf talk in French now and then because Angelica’s in AP French. She’s intelligent. 

Alexander keeps glancing over to James and Thomas. He knows that James wanted to talk to him, but he’s not sure whether or not he’s supposed to walk over to James. He’s pretty sure that James would’ve pulled him over at some point. 

He realizes that he never replied to the text message in the first place. Maybe James is having a dilemma himself, since Alexander never replied. 

Alexander pulls out his phone.

**Alex 12:50: when?**

He puts away his phone, but it buzzes a second later anyway.

**James 12:51: bleachers study hall.**

It’s not James’ usual style. The letters aren’t capitalized, and the period at the end makes it ominous. Alexander hopes he’s not reading too much into it. James usually punctuates all of his texts. It’s a very James thing to do. It’s also a very old man thing to do. 

He goes back to the conversation with the Schuylers and Laf, but he’s nervously tapping his foot under the table the entire time. Only Angelica seems to notice, and part of the reason is that Angelica is sitting right next to him. The other part is just her perceptiveness.

She gives Alexander’s hand a quick reassuring squeeze.

Alexander calms a little. He leans into her as well. Alexander enjoys lunch for the most part. He’d been dreading it, but talking to Peggy’s friend was nice, and he enjoyed taking and joking with the rest of his family again.

He goes under the bleachers during his study hall block. He doesn’t really have anywhere else to go, anyway. He rereads the text message. It seems to be typed out in a hurry. James would at least put a comma between the _bleachers_ and _study hall_. There’s also the fact that James isn’t texting on the group chat that he had set up. Maybe it was supposed to be a one-on-one thing then. Did Thomas know? 

Alexander hasn’t unpacked any of his homework. He’s just waiting for James to come. He wonders if James is mad at him.

_Probably not, if he seems so interested in speaking to you._

James didn’t speak yesterday, when the tension got high in the first place. Maybe he’s just in a similar situation to Alexander. Alexander sets his bag down. It’s starting to get heavy, since he’s just standing there, waiting for James. 

James arrives after another minute. He looks Alexander over, and he quickly walks over to him and hugs him. 

Alexander is taken off guard.

He really doesn’t mind. At all, in fact. He hugs back, holding James tightly. 

“I would’ve asked to meet on the field if it wasn’t such shitty weather today,” James murmurs.

“Uh… yeah,” Alexander answers. He’s still not sure what this entire thing is about, and he doesn’t know where this is going to go. He’s probably missed some important detail along the way.

“I miss you,” James whispers. 

“...miss me?” Alexander asks. He’s right here. He was just at James’ house yesterday. Still, some part of him knows exactly what James means. He knows, and he misses James too. He just wants to go back to the days when they’d hang out on the grass and just talk and hang out and maybe kiss a little bit. He’s still struggling with admitting that to himself, though. 

James looks up at Alexander, and for once, he actually looks small. James has always been short, but James easily makes up for that with the aura of a vampire: his calculated movements, the confidence, the way he seems to know exactly what you’re thinking. That seems to have completely slipped away, and for once, James actually looks small. Alexander realizes that for once, James doesn’t know what he’s doing either.

“Please tell me you feel the same too,” James murmurs.

“The same?” Alexander asks. He’s being an idiot. He knows this. It’s stupid.

“I love you, Alexander,” James confesses. He’s already done it before, but there seems to be something different this time. “I love you so damn much.”

There’s only one answer Alexander can give to that.

“I love you too,” he whispers back. It’s almost like a secret. Alexander feels like the world is shifting. He can feel himself tingling a bit, rocking back and forth on his feet. He’s so ready to be happy, but the reality of the situation sets in. The reason he can’t be with James. “What about Thomas?”

Some part of him thinks that James broke up with Thomas, and that Alexander is finally getting chosen instead of left behind. The selfish part of him wants it. He knows he likes Thomas too, but getting James would already be everything to him. He’s been waiting for this for so long.

James doesn’t say anything, but a second later, he leans up and presses his lips to Alexander’s.

Alexander has forgotten what it feels like. The last kiss he had was with James as well, forever ago. Something feels a lot different now. It’s not the same inexperienced lips crashing together as it was before, noses getting in the way. Now… there’s something else in it.

Maybe it’s the fact that James actually knows how to kiss now.

Alexander doesn’t know where to place his arms, but a second later, he can feel James guiding his hands to his waist, leaning in more. James’ own hands are hooked around Alexander’s neck. James tilts his head, and suddenly he’s kissing even deeper. 

_Oh, god._

Alexander doesn’t want to lose the feeling. There’s so much thrill in feeling James pressed up against him. It’s just perfect, especially when he remembers the confession that took place a few seconds earlier.

No, it’s not like what Alexander remembers.

Alexander doesn’t really care.

He’s not even sure how long the kiss was after James finally breaks away. It could’ve been an eternity, or just a few seconds. Alexander’s face is flushed, and his hands are still on James’ waist, where James put them.

James still looks small. Alexander doesn’t know why. “What’s wrong?”

James sighs. “Thomas can’t know about this.”

_Oh, shit._

Alexander isn’t sure what to say. He’s not angry, not in the slightest. He knows he has every right to be. He can’t be angry, though. Not when James looks the way he does right now. Alexander sighs softly as well, sitting down on the floor. “Join me.”

James sits down next to Alexander.

Alexander gently wraps an arm around James’ waist, sighing. Something must’ve happened with Thomas. There’s no other reason James would even try cheating on him. They had such a perfect relationship. They were soulmates, after all.

James reaches for one of Alexander’s wrists, running his finger over the studs on the cuff. He looks up at Alexander, a clear question in his eyes.

It’s Alexander’s left wrist. He knows the name too well.

Alexander just nods softly, and James undoes the clasp on the cuff. It’s almost too easy. The cuffs were made to be removed with one hand, after all. The soft click that follows fails to properly represent the gravity of what’s happening. 

_James Madison_

James stares at it for a few seconds, running his fingers over the letters. James looks at the _Alexander Hamilton_ on his own wrists. He holds his wrist up to Alexander’s wrist, looking at the two names together. Alexander wishes he could know what James is thinking.

James reaches for Alexander’s other wrist, and Alexander moves his hand over so that James can hold it. James’ fingers reach for the clasp. 

“You’re not going to like it,” Alexander murmurs. 

James undoes the clasp anyway. He reads the name and sighs, looking back at his own wrist. It’s the same name, written the same way. Alexander waits for James to say something.

James doesn’t. James slides onto Alexander’s lap, leans in, and kisses him again. 

Alexander knows he’s making a mistake.

He knows Thomas will be crushed when he finds out.

For some reason, Alexander can’t seem to stop himself. This is what he’s wanted for so long, and giving it up seems impossible. He can’t give this up. He just… can’t.

Alexander closes his eyes and melts into the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh worm

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudoes make me smile :)  
> Hit me up on Tumblr: [@hamilton-angst](https://hamilton-angst.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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